Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Failing

...or maybe just flailing?

I don't know how to pinpoint what I'm feeling, other than the fact that it isn't good.  I feel like I'm not doing a good job at work, as a Mom, and as a Wife.  I'm trying so hard to be all of these things, that I'm not succeeding at any.

I keep on asking for extensions on my projects at work, which is only partially my fault, but still...I have never had this happen before in the four years I've been working at my current job.  I can't focus on anything, and everything I do takes almost twice as long as it did before I left for maternity leave.

Every time I put Carina in the bouncy seat, swing, or jumperoo I feel like a horrible Mother.  I realize that this is completely irrational, and I have no idea where this comes from.  I don't think any parent can hold, talk to, and play with their baby every single minute of the day.  So why do I feel so bad when I put her down?

Our place is a dump.  There are still boxes and piles everywhere.  Dirty dishes in the sink.  Laundry to be done.  Unsorted mail.  I am the most organized person ever, how did this happen?  When M gets home I am so tired I can only make it about a half an hour before I have to go to bed.

Ugggh.  And I still haven't sent out thank you notes for baby gifts we received in January.  I fail.

Is this normal?  Is anyone else feeling this way?  Please tell me I'm not alone. 

Photobucket

P.S. Complete change of tone...I want to thank you all for voting for me in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Baby Journals contest! I am unofficially #4! I really appreciate your support :)

17 words of geekdom:

Mike said...

Never ever feel that way. You keep me, peanut, and our place going. I think it's fine to be overwhelmed sometimes, but you need to know just how awesome you are at all of these things - I wouldn't be where I am in life or grad school, our baby wouldn't be the happy little chub that she is, and you and I wouldn't have two wonderful years of marriage (and six together!). You are superwoman and I would know - I am the authority :)

Nikki said...

I think it's normal... I hope so anyway because my house is the same way. And I feel guilty when I put my little guy down to do something too (especially since I've gone back to work--even though I work part-time).

Sarah :) said...

Like you, I put way too much pressure on myself to live up to an unreasonable standard. I think that it's good to open up this dialogue because I really believe that all working moms are going through/feeling the same things, but don't talk about it so to "keep up appearances".

I am dreading going back to work in August because I am barely functioning as a wife and mother now without having to throw a demanding job back into the equation.

Also, I think that with supportive husbands such as you and I both have, we will make it over the hump just fine.

Hang in there, Mama G!!

Oesch Family said...

You are definately not alone! I am a stay at home Mom and I struggle with this everyday. Everytime I see him sitting on the floor without me playing with him I feel horrible and that I am a weak mother. I feel as if I should be doing more and enjoying it more, sucking up every moment with him.

It is a VERY hard job to be a Mom. Although I have only been doing it for 8 months I know that I have to stop beating myself up. I am glad you spoke up and say something though. Alot of us do not talk about how we do not feel good enough!

heatherlynnelange.com said...

I literally just made this post.

http://heatherlynnelange.com/2011/05/13/be-more/

I've been beating myself up the past week and a half, and totally feeling like I'll never amount to all of the things my little man deserves to have. At least I'm in good company.

Anna said...

Oh wow this is completely normal! I call it "mommy guilt" and mommy guilt is literally over everything!

Not spending enough time playing with your baby, not reading to your baby enough, not getting them out enough, not making enough playdates for them, giving them crackers instead of something super healthy, swaddling them at 12 months because you can't stand the thought of them crying and screaming all night, having to switch to formula after all your attempts at bfing have come to naught, feeding them baby food from the jar rather than making all your own, having your house be a complete mess, but you are too tired to clean, wanting to JUST SLEEP, being late to everything.

Seriously Mommy guilt is over everything. I've just had to learn that I'm doing the best I can and doing it with love.

...heather... said...

I could have written this, word for word (I was actually about to blog about it, myself), Including the part about the boxes, and we moved into our apartment over six months ago.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but you're not failing. You've had huge changes in the past few months and it's going to take time to get adjusted. You'll figure out how to be amazing at your job again, and your house will be clean one day, but most importantly, you're already an amazing mom (definitely NOT failing at that!).

It's ok to set Carina down - she still knows you love her like crazy, and you know that she's having a blast in that Jumperoo!

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing great!

MV said...

You're not alone hon. I work full time and have about 3 hours with DD before it's time for her to go to bed. Sometimes I try to do everything while holding her, sometimes I try to let everything sit until she goes to bed, and sometimes I put her in the crib/vibrating chair etc. It's only been a few months and I figure will get things sorted out sooner or later. I found it helps to blog about it and read other momma's experiences. Hang in there!

Shannon said...

First off, I feel THE EXACT SAME WAY. I've felt like that the entire time since Jack was born. I felt like if I put him in the swing or bouncer, that I was losing precious time with him while he was still little and I was going to regret it later. i would force myself to be happy even when his crying was driving me nuts and even though he was happy in the swing I felt like I should hold him. I felt guilty for being on the computer, or cleaning my house, or doing really anything that didn't involve holding him. Ironically, its better now that I am at work. Its still not completely gone away, but I don't know that it ever will. My house is messy now too (when it used to be immaculate), but I have learned that I have to just let it go sometimes. Being a mom is definitely the hardest job ever, and no one is perfect at it, try as we might. Hang in there, just know that your hubs and your daughter love you like crazy, and even if you were the most imperfect mother ever, they would still love you!!!!!!

B.J. Caulfield said...

First off, love your blog! Your family is too cute! :) Came across is at topmommyblogs.com!

I have totally felt the same way!!!! You are doing awesome and I'm sure things will settle down. I always seem to have some craziness up in the air with my kids and I feel semi-guilty for making them go entertain themselves. :P

Mama G said...

Ladies (and hubs), thank you so much for the kind words. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear that I am not alone in feeling this way!

I wish more Moms would talk about this, and then maybe we wouldn't all feel this pressure to be so perfect.

<3 you all, and again, I so appreciate your kind comments.

Orla said...

I just moved my 4 month old baby from the bouncy seat to his exersaucer because I"m desperately trying to get some work done (I WFH). That being said - I constantly feel like a half-assed Mommy and a half-assed employee. And my house looks like a bomb hit it (a bomb of fisher price that is...)
We're just trying to do it all...so we need to cut ourselves a break (and pour a glass of wine now and then).

Katy said...

I could have written your post. I feel badly when I put Mady in her swing, my house is atrocious.

But, Mady is happy. My marriage is good. And those are the things that matter.

Don't beat yourself up. There will come a time when everything evens out and you have time to do more. You'll get there. We both will!

Kristin said...

You're not alone by any stretch of the imagination. It is hard to balance wife, mother, and worker. I too, look around my house and wonder what happened for it to get the way it is. It's hard, but we're all so new at it, and it's a learning process. It will get easier in time. Until then, know that you are not a failure, and you are certainly not alone.

Configuring Mommy said...

You definitely aren't alone. I feel like this alot of times and I don't have a day job on top of being mommy and wife.

I have come to a place where I have realized there is a new normal in my house because I can't do everything. And the most important thing is my son, so it's him first. If he's needing some play time on his own then I might do a few things but as soon as he needs me I go back to him.

Everyone tells me they grow up fast. I don't want to miss one moment because of laundry or dishes.

Ashley said...

I'm going to direct you to the blog of one of my close friends: the mommy of a one-year-old, working mom, stepmom of two. This blog post sounds a lot like things she said to me during the first six to eight months of her baby boy's life.
I hope reading her blog can give you some comfort that not only are you NOT alone in your feelings, but that you WILL make it through. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a beautiful baby girl, a fabulous husband, and a great support system!
http://julie.daneman.org/ (Check out, particularly, the Sisterhood of Mommies category and Working Moms)

Mama G said...

@Ashley - thank you so much for sharing that link :)

And thanks for the kind words, ladies. It helps so much to know I am not alone.

Post a Comment

I love comments!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...