But no need to worry; you won't find me yelling it anywhere. Mostly for fear of side-eyes and those "man, you crazy" looks that would be sure to follow. Also, despite the fact that I blog about the epic grossness of my daughter's digestive pyrotechnics and open up to you about my every day fears and frustrations, I am actually a pretty private person in real life.
So for now, this blog is my proverbial mountaintop.
"Are you breastfeeding?" a random stranger asked me a couple months ago.
Not that it was any of her business, but I replied anyway, "Yes, I am".
"How is it going?" she pressed. I had prepared myself for this exact hypothetical situation. I would offer up a witty retort about how I would usually make people pay money to know the intimate details of my inside-the-bra-goings-on.
::sigh:: I failed at being snarky. All I could muster was, "Great! I love it". I was surprised to see wide eyes and a rather quizzical look. She just stared at me in silence. I felt awkward and embarrassed, and I don't even know why.
"...but I've been very lucky," I added. "Other than a clogged duct here and there I've had no complications or issues."
She smiled, nodded, and said "good for you." That was the end of the conversation.
Why did I feel the need to add that last statement? I didn't need to say anything. I know I've been fortunate in my breastfeeding experience, but I didn't have to tell her that. Why did I feel like I had to qualify my experience? Why couldn't it have been as simple as I love breastfeeding?
As of today, I have been breastfeeding Carina for more than 6 and a half months. I loved it the day she was born and I love it even more today. Why can't I say this without worrying that other people will think I am bragging or silently judging everyone who does not feel the same way?
My loving breastfeeding does not make me any more of a woman than anyone out there who did not like it. It does not make me a better Mother than anyone who was not successful at it, or didn't even try it. It doesn't mean that I am expecting (or deserving of) praise or a "good for you".
I love breastfeeding, and I wish I could share that with other Mommas without worrying about how they will perceive me. I'm not trying to brag, I'm not trying to make anyone feel inferior, I'm not trying to judge. I just want to share, and I feel like it's not socially acceptable to do so right now.
Is this all in my head? Or does anyone else feel the same way?
|Don't mind the awful picture of me, please just appreciate the hilariousness |
of a sleeping Carina (at about 6 weeks old) hugging my boob
P.S. M told me I should insert quotes around "mountaintops" in the title hahaha. Although I guess in reality mine are more like little hills ;)