Friday, January 20, 2012

My Classification Levels of Poop Severity

I know, I know...I talk about poop too much. But it's such an integral part of life with an infant, it just can't be ignored. Plus, I know that deep down you probably find some sort of satisfaction in reading about other Moms who have witnessed the horror that you have yourself experienced.

Please forgive my crude paint skills. Clearly, I have none.

1 alarm: This is what we all hope to find when we unfasten a foul smelling diaper. Just a tiny little turdlet. Just one wipe and baby is good to go. Unfortunately I think I can count on one hand the number of times that this is all I have encountered down below.
2 alarm: This is what I usually find when I peel back Carina's diaper (wow - she is going to KILL me someday when she reads this, isn't she?) It's gross, but it's all contained within the confines of the diaper. Sure, it will take a number of wipes to take care of this mess, but usually no gagging is necessary.
3 alarm: When I see one of these I breathe a sigh of relief {possibly after a dry heave or two}. Even though the poop is on the very edges of the diaper, somehow none managed to escape it. Magically, no clothing falls victim to this epic deuce. Must be a miracle.
4 alarm: Crap (literally). A small spot on the pants or the back of the onesie is clearly visible. When I see this bad boy I scoop Carina up and haul ass (literally) to the changing pad. It's not the end of the world, but it means that some poor article of clothing needs to be thrown in the laundry ASAP. Also, it's probably going to drain the wipes container.
5 alarm: "How the eff did she manage that?!?" I think to myself as I curse my life and send in for reinforcements (If M is home, I usually recruit him to handle the shitty clothes while I make haste for the bathtub with Carina.) If it's just me, I laugh and cry at the same time as I clean up the mess, and then remind myself that I should maybe get on some type of birth control, at least until Carina is potty trained.

I hope to never ever encounter what a 6 alarm poop would look like. I can't even imagine...

Happy Friday, folks.


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