Monday, November 14, 2011

Losing Myself

So I had hoped that I would be feeling better by now. Instead I find myself slowly slipping away, becoming more unrecognizable by the day.

Carina wouldn't stop screaming yesterday morning when I stopped her from chewing on the TV remote control, and I just lost it. I put her in the crib with a few of her favorite toys and shut myself in my bedroom and cried.

Maybe she didn't like her giant plaid hairbow?
First I cried for her - she doesn't deserve an unhappy and apathetic Mommy.

Then I cried for me - I don't even know who I am anymore. I thought that staying home with her would fill my days with joy (and stress and poop, of course). I didn't think I'd feel like this. Am I just not cut out to be a stay at home Mom? Or is this all the result of our current circumstances?

Two weeks. We'll be out of here in two weeks. I hope I can wave goodbye to the me that I don't recognize as Carina and I board the plane to head back East.


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