After my amniotic fluid leaking for 3 days without my realizing it, a failed attempt to jump start labor naturally with a scary hospital milking machine, and finally a low dose of Pitocin (aka the devil), contractions began.
Most of the night was a blur. I remember bits and pieces...including thinking the birthing ball was a worthless piece of junk, lugging my monitoring devices into the tub with me, a heavenly 4 hour nap during which I progressed from 5 to 10 cm, and my husband holding up my gimpy no-feeling leg so I could push Carina out. I just re-read my whole birth story and it seems so surreal. I have to remind myself that it actually happened.
All of that was soon practically forgotten as my beautiful baby girl was hurled onto my chest {and into our lives}.
I cannot believe it has been a year...
...since I last felt her kick inside of me.
...since I held her in my arms for the first time.
...since I realized that I am much, much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
...since our lives changed, forever.
 |
| Not even an hour after birth |
 |
| One year later |
...without her smile.
...without her laugh.
...without her big, bright eyes.
...without her. The light of my life.
My favorite book, On the Night You Were Born ends with a few lines that make me ugly cry every time I read them...
Heaven blew every trumpet
and played every horn
on the wonderful, marvelous
night you were born.
Happy Birthday, Carina.
P.S. I have a few "one year" related posts to come...update and photos of Carina, on one year of breastfeeding, on Carina's favorite things, and more! Can't wait to share with you :)
