Big girl changes

Hey there. Got any wine? Ha, who am I kidding...no amount of alcohol could ameliorate this level of exhaustion.

So what else would be helpful...an extra mop, maybe? Better yet, a tried and true way to keep your toddler in bed? Oooh or -- who wants to come over Saturday morning at 6 AM when the girls wake up so Mike and I can get some sleep for the first time in for-freaking-ever?

Saturday morning we ditched diapers. It's been messy and frustrating but ultimately, pleasantly surprising. We've let Carina run around bottomless for most of the last 48 hours and with her peepee in the potty prior to bedtime just now, we've got more hits than misses on the weekend. And luckily for all of us {and our hardwood floors}, there has not yet been any ploppage outside of the potty.

With each successful potty encounter we give her a handful of chocolate chips and dance (or, shake my butt embarrassingly) to our made-up potty song. No joke, it's "peepee in the potty" over and over to the tune of Wade in the Water. Yep, I just shook my head at myself, too.

Then we put a "Way to go!" magnet on Carina's little chart. Except she must be the only kid on the planet who would rather take the magnets off and put them back with all the rest. When I put one in the brand new "Peepee on Potty" row she yells "no!" and takes it off. So, despite the fact that none are displayed below, she has been successful 8 times so far. Fingers crossed for continued wins.

Sad lonely magnet chart

We thought that turning her crib into a toddler bed should go hand in hand, so that if she feels the need to get up at night to pee, she'll be able to. Before her nap on Saturday we took off the front panel of the crib and hoped for the best. She LOVES her "big girl" bed but we decidedly aren't fans at this point. She won't stay in it. Or go to sleep.

Right now it's 9 PM and she's still awake. Every 20 minutes or so we'll hear her turning the door knob and/or calling out to us. And here she is on cue, doing it again. Last night she wasn't asleep until just before 10 PM. That wasn't all...shortly after midnight she strolled into our room and jumped up into bed with us. I think we were too tired to bring her back at that point.

I'm so proud of our little girl and am so glad she's happy with her big girl changes but OMG TIRED. Did you go through this? How did you get your little one to stay in bed? Momma (and Daddydoo) need some sleep. STAT.

Oh, and send wine.

So guilty of 2nd child syndrome

With Carina, I was *almost* perfect. Each of her milestones celebrated in great detail with pictures (and often videos) adorn the pages of this blog. Her monthly posts include sections about her size, favorite toys, and pictures with seasonal clip art proudly displaying how many months old she is. Multiple professional photos of her smiling face hang on the walls of our home.

Poor Aurelia is getting the shaft. I managed to squeak through her first 6 monthly posts before succumbing to what I {rather unaffectionately} refer to as my full-time-working-Mommy-brain. I mean to do these things, and I want to do them, but I just never get around to it. It's a combination of forgetting and not having the time, and quite possibly probably a dash of laziness. I have remembered to take some of the photos (like below -- from three months ago, ha!) but her 7 Month post never happened. And now I'd feel silly doing one since she's 10 Months, but these are too cute to not at least share.

The 8, 9, and 10 Month stickers sit unused in my camera bag and every time I see them I feel a pang of guilt. Is it too late to just slap them all on her right now and take a few pictures?

You've come so far since your 6 Month post.  Tooth #7 is coming in (Carina only had two at this age!) and you can say Mama and Dada pretty clearly. You babble constantly; your favorite sound seems to be "heh" and depending upon the inflection it can mean a host of different things from "I'm so happy!" to "OMGSTOPTHATRIGHTNOW!" to "please give me your pancake".

At your 9 Month appointment earlier in July you were 18 lbs. 8 oz. and 28 inches, if Daddy is remembering correctly. You're sharing size 4 diapers with big sis and are mostly in 12-18 Month clothes. Although you are wearing some random 12 Month, 24 Month, and even 2T clothes. We use Carina's and your pajamas interchangeably most of the time. You'll wear it one day, and then {after washing, of course} she'll wear it the next. I'm having visions of fights over clothes during your teenage years ;)

Unlike your sister, you eat anything and everything imaginable. You out-eat Carina at most meals, favoring avocado spread on toast and spaghetti. Much to our delight (and dismay at the same time!) you began crawling just yesterday...and off you went. It's time to baby proof all over again. Our favorite milestones include "SO BIG!" which involves raising your arms high up in the air when we ask how big Aurelia is, and clapping on cue. You get so excited when we ask you to clap.

I'm going to try to get better about this, love. I want there to be as many pictures and videos of you in existence and I want you to feel that we celebrated your milestones and accomplishments as much as we did your sister's. We love you so much and have the best of intentions.

Baby led win

You might remember that we had a lot of trouble getting Carina to eat enough early on. She started out chunky but when I first returned to work back in May of 2011, she went on a bottle strike, thinned out, and never recovered. She still probably doesn't eat as much as she should.

I'm sure you can imagine that we want to do our best to avoid a food battle with Aurelia, so we were a little disheartened when we gave her her first bite -- roasted sweet potato puree -- and she gagged and drooled and spit it all out. She either didn't like it, or didn't appreciate being spoon fed...or both.

So, we tried something else. Many of my friends have been successful with baby led weaning so I did a little reading and figured it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. Baby Led Weaning simply means letting your child feed him/herself from the beginning. No spoon-feeding purees or rice cereal. "Weaning" in this sense doesn't mean stopping breastfeeding, it is referring to the British word which means "adding complementary foods". You give baby small pieces of food and let them have at it. We were a little nervous at first that she would choke, but she's done unbelievably well.

Aurelia at just over 7 Months is already eating better, and more foods, than Carina was at 1. She's had toast, sweet potato, avocado, rigatoni, pastina (re: last two, we're Italian, so they're two separate categories), cucumber, banana, applesauce, apples, yogurt (which she feeds herself), cheddar cheese, mozzarella cheese, American cheese (can you tell we like cheese?), pancakes, mango, hot dog (the fancy nitrate-free kind), and puffs. And I just might have let her try her first {very tiny} taste of cupcake today ;)

Sure, it's messy, but she loves feeding herself and it let's us eat our own meals while she eats hers. I wish we had gone this route with Carina. No stress. No fuss. Just happy well-fed baby.

Since returning to work, she has rebelled against the bottle just like Carina did, but after a suggestion from a reader (thanks!) we tried sippy cups and it's actually working pretty well! I guess we'll just skip the bottles altogether. And with how great of an eater she is? I'm not worried at all :)

Has anyone else tried baby led weaning? How did it go for you?

All there is to come

Four years ago today I married my mad scientist.

Today we celebrate. We celebrate our love, our two beautiful girls, and our accomplishments. The last four years have brought us immeasurable joy, but quite a bit to overcome as well. The stress of completing Mike's doctorate, a move half-way across the country, Carina's Failure to Thrive, and my anxiety, to name a few.

But today, we also celebrate all there is to come: our girls growing, adding to our family (as we both agree that it isn't complete yet), and in about two years -- when Mike is finished with his Post-Doc here -- we'll be moving somewhere else to {hopefully} settle. In our immediate future, I begin working on Monday. After more than 18 Months as a stay-at-home Mom I'll be reentering the workforce. Eeek! As nervous as I am, this means great things for our family. But more on that this weekend... :)

One of my favorite things about blogging is the ability to go back and read what I was feeling on any given day in the past. While I didn't start this blog until a few months after our wedding, I did chronicle our anniversary each year (and I went back and posted some wedding photos more recently). Reading through these milestones makes me smile and thank God for Mike, and for all of our blessings.

Our wedding | 1st Anniversary | 2nd Anniversary | 3rd Anniversary

Do you hear that? SILENCE

Only the peaceful sound of ocean waves washing up on the shore from the baby crack sound machine. It's night four of the girls sleeping together in their shared nursery and they both went to sleep FIVE MINUTES AFTER WE PUT THEM DOWN. Yes, that warranted caps.

I cannot believe what a win this has been. I was nervous to 1. transition Aurelia from the Rock 'n' Play to her crib and 2. have them both in the same room because the sound of sneezing wakes up Aurelia and Carina tends to call out at night.

Nights 1 and 2: Aurelia woke once to eat and Carina had night terrors, necessitating a transfer to our bed. It was a while before Carina fell back asleep both nights. Needless to say, I was tired.

Night 3: Both girls slept from 7 PM until 7 AM without waking.

Tonight: So far so good. Fingers crossed that this continues.


Naps, on the other hand? Not going so hot. Aurelia will only nap in the Rock 'n' Play (which we relocated to the nursery) and Carina thinks it's party time now that Aurelia is in there with her. Carina didn't nap at all today. Momma needs a drink...

Conspiring to never nap again EVER

When did you transition your little one to the crib? Any tips for successful tandem naps?

Mastitis

Oh hello, blog. No new post in 4 days? That might be a record for me.

I'm still alive.

On Friday and yesterday, I was alive, but barely. After 24 months of nursing, I came down with Mastitis for the first time. I felt like I got hit by a truck. I don't remember the last time I've been so sick.

It came on quickly. Late Friday morning I thought it was a plugged duct (I had one when Carina was 6 weeks old) but just a couple hours later I started having chills and an awful headache. I took my temperature: 99.3. No biggie. But a half hour later it was 99.6. Another half hour later? 100.1. At this point I could barely function so I asked Mike to pretty please come home early.

He called the doctor for me and described my symptoms. The doc diagnosed me {over the phone} with Mastitis and called in a prescription for antibiotics. I'm so glad they didn't make me go in as I'm not sure I would have been able to get off the couch.

Our pharmacy was closing in 15 minutes so Mike scooped up Carina and ran out to the car yelling, "it's an adventure!" He drove swiftly {but safely} and arrived just one minute before the pharmacy closed. He told Carina that they saved the day and when they returned she ran inside with the bag containing my meds, brought them to me, and exclaimed, "Carina saved the day!"

Yesterday, I still felt like hell. My boob killed, terrible headache, chills, dizziness, achy....WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME MASTITIS WAS THIS BAD? Completely debilitating.

If you follow me on Instagram you might have seen this gem...

Who doesn't want a diaper in their bra?

After 36 hours of antibiotics, lots of Tylenol, tea, hot chocolate, and a handful of disposable diapers filled with hot hot water pushed up against my left boob, I'm finally feeling better. And I have a newfound respect for anyone who has ever had this evil maternal malady.

Boobs, please stay healthy from here on out. I beg of you.

Mommy's First Panic Attack

I was praying this day wouldn't come because I knew that if it did, there would be no possible way I could keep procrastinating. Despite knowing that something is not right with me, I still haven't called the doctor yet.

The day after Christmas we woke up early (before the girls were even up!) packed the car, and left Massachusetts for Philadelphia before 8 AM. We planned on stopping briefly at home in Connecticut to drop off the gifts we received from my family and load the trunk with the presents for Mike's family. We only encountered a little traffic right before reaching New Haven, which set us back about a half hour. No biggie; we were feeling pretty good at this point.

My riding buddy

Around 11 we left for Philly. No problems going over the George Washington Bridge in New York City - which is rare - but as soon as we drove into New Jersey on 95 traffic picked up. I checked the crappy new Maps app on my iPhone (can they please get rid of that?) and there was a red line all the way from Newark to Trenton. The app didn't even list 95 as one of our 3 best options. Ugh. We exited before 95 South turned into a parking lot but unfortunately Route 1 wasn't much better...stop lights every few blocks and either snow or freezing rain for the majority of the trip. Note: I sat in the backseat between the girls' car seats for the trip. I don't like sitting there, as it's so tight that I can barely move, but the anxiety that would ensue from me not being able to help either of them if they began crying (and continued, for an extended period of time) outweighs how much I loathe sitting in that tiny prison {for now}.

Right before we got back on a highway Carina threw up all over herself, the car seat, her favorite monkey, and a whole slew of other things that were hanging out in the backseat. The combination of the traffic, the prospect of being in the car for another few hours, the discomfort of sitting in the backseat, and then Carina blowing chunks everywhere...I lost it. I started shaking, hyperventilating, screaming, and crying. I had no control over myself. The epitome of a freak-out; I felt crazy. 

IRONY - she never took bottles as a baby

Mike held my hand until he was able to pull over a minute or so later. He changed Carina while I attempted to calm myself down. She asked me a handful of times, "Mommy okay?" and it broke my heart.

The rest of the trip included Aurelia projectile vomiting all over herself and at least an hour of incessant fussing and crying - both girls. Carina wanted milk but had already finished all we brought with us and neither sippy cup was clean. Luckily I had about 4 oz. of pumped breastmilk and a bottle handy. So...envision me, trying to keep a binky in Aurelia's mouth with one hand, and helping Carina drink breastmilk out of a bottle with the other as we cruised down the Pennsylvania Turnpike in the rain. I had a big drink when we finally arrived in Philly, at 4:30 PM.

I don't think we'll ever attempt to drive from Mass to Philly (or vice versa) in one shot again...at least not for a long time. It's not fair to the girls and to be truthful I just don't think I can handle it. I hate to think that my outburst and shaking scared them. I know I scared Mike, but am thankful he acted fast to get us pulled over. First stop when we get home next week? My doctor's office. I never want that to happen again, especially in front of the girls.

Should I be proud or embarrassed?

Dunkin Donuts.

Any self-respecting New Englander is quite familiar with this chain of coffee & donut shops, as it's rather hard not to be; there is one on almost every corner.

My 5 years in Wisconsin were extremely just a little sad and dreary because {tragedy of all tragedies} there wasn't a single Dunkin Donuts within a 30 mile radius. When we moved to Connecticut I was so excited to see that there is a Dunkies just 3 blocks away.

Too excited, probably, since we ended up going quite often. It made for a perfect walk to break up the slow winter afternoons. I didn't give Carina her first donut until we knew we were dealing with failure to thrive and even then she just had one munchkin.

When she was about 16 Months old we were driving down a road we had never before traversed and passed a Dunkin Donuts. She exclaimed, "donut!" Mike and I looked at each other in amazement. She recognized the Dunkin Donuts logo and knew that it meant donuts were there. My first thought was, "wow! That's smart!" Then it hit me that my barely-a-toddler had brand awareness.  Embarrassment began to take over. Clearly I had been taking her too regularly...

Enjoying a chocolate glazed donut

It was about then that we started going a little less frequently. Something just didn't sit right with me that Carina, at such a young age, could identify corporate logos and associate them with the product that they sell. So much advertising these days is geared towards children and it bothers me (but that's a post for another day). I don't like to see it affecting my child at all, let alone at 16 Months.

Does your baby or toddler recognize any brands or products like this? Does it bother you (or would this bother you?) Or am I just being ridiculous? ;)
 

She's not my little baby anymore

When Mike brought Carina to the hospital to meet Aurelia for the first time, I was struck by how different she seemed upon entering my recovery room. She looked taller. Bigger. More mature. She was chattering away in few-word sentences while dancing and skipping about. 24 hours hadn't even passed since I last saw her, but she had changed overnight.

 

Seeing her in the light of this day - a day that brought new life to our little family - left me lamenting the fact that she was no longer my little baby. I was already pretty emotional at this point, as I had just given birth about 12 hours prior and only slept for {maybe} 3 hours. Watching her gaze at her tiny newborn sister and remark, "shhh baby sleeping!" brought tears to my eyes.

Seeing the baby for the 1st time

Inspecting her more closely (with my Mother-in-law)

My big girl

"Kissing" her sister

As this vibrant and spirited little girl emerged before me I thanked God again and again for her, and for the tiny newborn in my arms.

I get to watch Carina grow and do it all over again, simultaneously, with Aurelia.


I am so blessed.

Mommy Fail: A {very} belated 18 Month Update

Carina -

You're 20 Months now, and I just realized I never posted an 18 Month update. So here's your 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20 Month update...all in one :shakes head at self::

Milestones:
You are running around and climbing on everything these days. Your new favorite venture is to climb up on top of your tiny table and dance around like a penguin (think Happy Feet). I vow to get this on video soon. It's seriously the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Your eating is getting a little better since I weaned you at the beginning of July, but we've yet to see any real progress on the scale yet. Fingers crossed you'll pack on some pounds soon.

You are expanding your vocabulary daily! You're up to about 150 words, my favorite being "busted!" That's what Daddy says when you are doing something you aren't supposed to...and then you repeat it. You can put together very small sentences and few word phrases like "where did Daddy go?" "I got my binky" and "all gone turds" (when I change your diaper - this one cracks me up). Your favorite word is "shark". You have been quite taken with all of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week programming. Thank goodness for On Demand.

You can identify all of the letters of the alphabet, and are currently working on counting to 3 and colors. Whenever I start singing the ABC song you smile and try to since along. You can't really make it past "C" at this point, though. Yellow seems to be your favorite color, or maybe you just like saying the word "yellow".

I left you overnight for the first time, and it went surprisingly well. You had lots of fun with Daddy, and Mimi & Pepere. Mommy was even able to hold it together for the whole three days!

Loves:  

• Your binky and monkey. You don't want to give either of them up...EVER. We tried to wean you off of the binky but it didn't go so well...
• Food: black beans, peaches, blueberries, chocolate milk, cookies, yogurt-covered raisins, and DONUTS! You recognize the Dunkin Donuts logo from afar & even on coupons that come in the mail - I don't know whether to be proud of this fact, or embarrassed!
• Riding in the backpack carrier with Daddy and going outside in general
• Playing with your Calico Critters dollhouse and toys. Digging these out of the closet was one of the smartest things I've done in a long time.
• Watching Super Why, Tangled, and Happy Feet. I'm hoping to catch your penguin dance on camera one of these days.
• Spending time with family. You recognize your Grandparents, aunts/uncles, and cousins from their photos and ask to see them all the time.

Hates:

• Brushing your teeth! You used to LOVE it, now when I try to get the toothbrush in your mouth it sounds as if you are being tortured :(
• Getting anything taken away from you, like the cat's tail that you are trying to pull, your binky when it's time to eat, Daddy's keys or wallet, etc.
• Being put in your highchair. Every now and then you're fine, but most of the time you go rigid and scream bloody murder when it's mealtime.

Height & Weight: At your last appointment on June 29th (at 18 Months) you were 19 lbs. 12 oz. and 31.5 inches. According to our growth chart you've grown a little since then, and our scale says you are 21.5 lbs. That would be AMAZING. I almost don't want to get my hopes up...we have a follow up with the Pediatric Nephrologist on September 10th. Still size 4 disposable diapers (just for overnight) and the middle setting on your One-Size cloth diapers. Your feet have grown! You are now almost outgrowing your size 4s. Most of your clothes are size 18 and 24 Months, although you have a few random 2T things that fit well.

16 Months

17 Months

18 Months

19 Months

20 Months

Time needs to slow down. These last 5 months have passed in the blink of an eye...and you get more beautiful by the day.

Yes I'm still sane & I hope this doesn't damage her for life - on leaving Carina

I've been a bit amused at the comments that I've been getting when I divulge that I'll be away from Carina overnight for the first time ever this week. I take the train into New York City on Thursday morning for BlogHer, and then will be taking the train to Philly on Sunday morning to meet up with her and Mike. From there we'll drive down to Virginia Beach for vacation with his family.

The responses have ranged from "OMG three whole days?!? Are you sure you won't psychologically damage her for life?" to "What? You haven't been away from her for a night yet and you're still sane?" Okay I'm exaggerating just a tad, but you get the idea. It's really interesting to hear how varied people's thoughts on leaving their little ones are.

Since quitting work last August (has it really almost been a year?) I haven't been away from her for longer than a couple hours, so it's safe to say that 72 hours will be like an eternity, relatively speaking. I know she'll be fine - in the very capable hands of a friend, Mike, and later my parents - but my heart aches thinking that at some point she'll call out, "Mommy! Mommy!" like she does so often and I won't be there to hug her, hold her, snuggle her. I'll miss her giggles, her smiles, and her sweet baby smell that still hasn't gone away.

I will for sure miss this face

Part of me is so excited to finally get some freedom. The other part? Feels like a horrible Mother for even admitting that.


When did you first leave your baby and for how long? Or haven't you yet? Did/do you have mixed emotions, too?

I wish I had known it was the last time

I posted on Saturday morning that Carina hadn't nursed upon waking up for the first time in 18 months. That night, I nursed her for about 30 seconds before she pulled off, looked up at me with her sweet toothy smile and proclaimed, "all done!"

All done she was. I haven't nursed her since.

The truth is? I'm sad for the moment (yep, tears are streaming down my face as I write this) but overall I'm happy to be done. I'll be leaving for the BlogHer conference at the beginning of August and will be away for 3 days. Weaning her on my own terms right before the conference was not something I wanted to have to do. Fortunately, she was ready to be done now, as evidenced by her not even asking for it once since we stopped. And I'm pretty sure there was no milk left anyway.

I'm so glad we were able to continue for another month after I started feeling touched out (by the way, thanks for telling me the term for that!) Cutting our feedings down to just morning and night really helped with that.

I just wish that I had known it was going to be the last time. Maybe I would have gotten more comfortable, snuggled her a little closer, and reminisced about how many hours upon hours we had spent, just like that, over the last 18 months. And how there wouldn't be any more.

As a friend reminded me yesterday, Aurelia will be happy to have my boobs all to herself ;)

So much fun she forgot to nurse

When we woke up at my sister's this morning, Carina was so excited to get out of bed and play with her cousins that she didn't nurse. And she was fine.

We're down to just about 1 minute or so before bed, and hopefully today will mark the end of our morning sessions. Surprisingly? I was fine, too. As much as I'll miss it, I am so ready to be done.

Busy playing. What? Crayons don't go in the pool?

Toddle Along Tuesday - Carina identifies letters!

I think because I've been feeling like such a failure lately due to Carina's "failure to thrive" issues, this particular first has meant so much to me. It makes me confident that I'm at least doing something right ;)

So here's Carina, identifying letters for the first time. She has "M", "N", and "O" down pretty well, and then gets "K" and "D" later on. "H" is debatable for now; it sort of sounds like "hache". She also knows that her name begins with "C"! Didn't catch that on video, though, sadly.

I've been working with her on letters a lot lately because 1. she loves them - she could circle this tower for hours yelling them out and 2. it makes for a nice welcomed break in between trying to get her to eat.




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My co-host for Toddle Along Tuesday this week is Nikki from Life with You Makes Perfect Sense and the topic is favorite firsts! What milestone was the most precious for you? Sitting up, talking, walking, maybe a 1st birthday party, or something else? Feel free to gush and/or reminisce. There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.

Next week's topic is places to shop! Do you have a favorite store or website from which to shop? Or do you prefer consignment sales and thrift stores? Tell us and show us some of your fave finds! Old post or new post, either is fine!

If you like advance notice for TAT, I just added a section at the bottom right of the blog that lists the Toddle Along Tuesday topics for the next few weeks! Would you like to submit a topic idea and/or volunteer to co-host one week? E-mail me!

It's official!

She's walking. She has taken a few steps here and there over the last couple months, but it has never been consistent until now. She still crawls every now and then, but her preferred means of transport is now bipedal :)




Oops. Mommy forgot to turn on the flash. I swear one of these days I am going to actually learn how to use this camera. Much better...

Whatcha lookin' at?

When did your little one start walking?