Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Raising Daughters - Guest Post

Hello All! I'm Samantha from On Pink Bears and Pacifiers. I feel so honoured to be able to guest post on Growing Up Geeky today - thank you Mama G! I am a (mostly) SAHM of Clara, born in December 2010 (just like Carina!) and just had Baby Girl #2! I blog about my life and all of the pregnancy and parenting joys and struggles that go with it. When I am not blogging or parenting, I enjoy reading, writing (anything), music, teaching piano and attempting to organize my constantly disorganized life. I would love it if you all came over to check us out!


Mama G and I both have two daughters who are less than two years apart in age. Since I wanted to post on a topic that we had in common, this seemed like the obvious choice. So, my post today is simply on 'Raising Daughters'.

I must confess that before I knew we were having a daughter, I was nervous about raising a son - and was relieved to discover I had a girl. A very close friend of mine - who just had a baby boy - confessed that she had the same fear about having a daughter, and was relieved to discover she was carrying a boy. She and I both considered our upbringing and realized it made a lot of sense. She was the only girl among four brothers and simply felt lost when it came to little girls, yet felt completely comfortable with little boys and how they were raised. I had no mother, and spent my childhood and teen years trying to recreate a 'mother-daughter' relationship for myself with various friends' and family, and spent a lot of time thinking about what a mother 'should' have been to me. I think I always felt that having a daughter would give me the opportunity to make it up to myself.

So, like I always do - I made a list for myself. This is definitely not a complete list, but it is the start of what I would like my daughter to learn in life, and things that I feel it is my responsibility as her mother, to teach her - although I hope her Daddy helps with this as well :).

1. I want my daughters to love themselves, but to also genuinely love others, and consider others' needs and desires as equal to their own.

2. I want my daughters to know they are beautiful, but at the same time to believe that outward appearance means nothing.

3. I want my daughters to understand their weaknesses, as well as their strengths, and to be willing to do what it takes to achieve what brings them joy in life - despite any setbacks they might have.

4. I want my daughters to understand as early as possible that their parents are not perfect, and we might make some pretty big mistakes, but that we love them completely and unconditionally and that despite our screw-ups, we were always doing what we believed was the best thing for them at the time. And I pray they will forgive us for our screw-ups.

5. I want my daughters to know how to work hard, even when they don't feel like it.

6. I want to support my daughters, but I also want them to be strong and brave enough to make choices and act on their choices without needing anyone's support. If they decide they want to spend two years traveling the globe - alone - I hope it is never fear holding them back, and I hope they never feel the need to bend to anyone else's opinions.

7. I want for my daughters to never allow themselves to be bullied into anything by anyone, but to be flexible and willing to adapt with grace when the situation calls for it.

8. I want my daughters to be able to discover who they are early in life, and to spend their lives being true to that person.

9. I want my daughters to be kind to others. Always.

10. I want my daughters to never feel limited to 'girly' things, simply because they are girls - yet I also hope they feel free to be as 'girly' as they wish, and not feel any pressure to conform to what anyone thinks they should be.


Many of these scare me - because I don't feel comfortable that I have learned how to be like this, and that will be part of learning how to teach them - teaching myself. I don't feel beautiful, and I don't always love myself. I'm not very good at hard work, am too often lazy - admittedly - and I am afraid of everything. I am easily bullied, and even catch myself bullying still on occasion. I have chosen to be a SAHM, and this is what I have always wanted, but I still struggle with the fact that despite knowing that I am intelligent, I didn't do 'more' with my knowledge and become more highly educated. I also feel as though I have no real idea who I 'truly' am.

Because I am a brutally honest person - my daughters will know all of this about me, and I hope beyond hope that somehow they can be all of these things that I am not.

Thanks for sharing this, Samantha. I want many of the same things for my girls :)
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