One of the issues I'm having associated with my anxiety is that I can't relax.
Even when I'm sitting with Mike trying to watch a TV show my mind will begin to rehash my to-do list, agonize over whether or not I heard Carina cry out, or attempt to figure out our meal plan for the next week. A half-hour will pass and I'll have no idea what I just watched.
On Friday (the only day I haven't felt sick in the last 5*), Carina's favorite show, Super Why, came on at 9 AM. This is when I usually start up the computer, answer e-mails, catch up on blogs, etc. if the baby happens to be napping.
Instead, I scooped Carina up in my lap, nestled close to her, and breathed: in slowly, then out. She smelled of milk and Nutella and I felt myself begin to relax as she snuggled into me. With each inhale the intrusive thoughts left my mind and with each exhale I held her a little tighter. Soon my arm went numb. I ignored it.
I sat holding her close for a whole half hour without the many things that need to be done around the house running through my head or jumping up to check my iPhone or e-mail. I felt -- for the first time in a long time -- completely relaxed.
*I've been sick on and off for days now. I don't know whether it's side effects due to the new medication, or multiple stomach bugs? I'm just hoping it stops soon...