Sunday, January 27, 2013

What a difference

The unabating on edge feeling I have had for so long is gone. I feel like I can breathe again. Relax again. It's freeing.

I'm enjoying the girls more. I'm actually getting things done around the house and it isn't stressing me out like it used to. I'm hopeful and happy most of the time whereas before, it was fleeting and few and far between.

The best way I can describe it is as if a huge weight has been lifted. Mike says that I am back to my old self, and added, "I feel like I hadn't seen you in a while." This makes me sad and glad at the same time. Glad, of course, to be back. Sad, though, that I waited so long to get help. Looking back at my feelings and behavior, I think it's likely that the anxiety started prior to Aurelia's birth -- not after it.

One side effect of my newfound repose is that I am feeling less and less like spending time on the internet. I try to sit down and write, but then Mike looks so snuggly on the other side of the couch or a bubble bath beckons. I'm enjoying reading again; I've read two books in the last week and a half after not reading any for almost a year. I just...I don't know. I think I'm tired of always being so plugged in.

With that, I think I'm off to stick some princesses in the refrigerator with my big girl. I'm not sure when we'll meet again, internet. And I'm okay with that.

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