Thursday, May 31, 2012

I think we're nearing the end

And I can't stop crying about it.

For the last week or so, almost every time I nurse Carina it starts out okay but then begins to feel weird. Really weird. Gross, almost. I can't think of a better or more accurate way to describe it. I don't know why this is happening all of a sudden, as I've always loved breastfeeding. Maybe I'm drying up?

I've tried to power through it, but each time I find myself wishing and hoping she'll stop. I've had to cut her short a few times, shedding tears as she protests, fusses, and then cries herself.

How is she 17 months old already?
I'm sobbing now as I write. I didn't want it to end like this. I wanted her to be ready to wean, not clamoring to continue as I close myself off to her. I had visions of holding her tenderly as she nurses for the last time, but I'm afraid that we won't be blessed with that sort of moment of tranquility. As soon as she starts I'm just itching for her to finish. I feel like my body is literally rejecting breastfeeding any further at this point. And my heart is breaking.

Has anyone else experienced this? How did you decide to wean your baby?

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