Friday, April 5, 2013

And the Mommy guilt washes away...

A few weeks before Aurelia was born I was overcome with a wave of sadness and guilt. It had finally hit me that from the day of Aurelia's birth, my time would forever be divided. Carina would never {consistently} receive my completely undivided attention anymore, and Aurelia would never have the opportunity at all.

Then Aurelia was born, and the guilt was almost palpable every time I let Carina's little hand go as she tried to pull me off the couch to "play, Mommy!" while I was nursing the baby. Her eyes, begging, "love only me" as she tugged at me and then walked away dejectedly. I cried. I lamented -- and feared -- that the close bond we had enjoyed for so long would begin to fade, especially as Aurelia began napping less often and things became more chaotic around the house.

Months later, Carina has really come to enjoy playing independently, but there are still often times when it pains me that I can't focus on her as much as I used to. But then, within the last couple weeks, something amazing has happened --

They're playing with each other.

Sure, it's mostly just Aurelia sitting still and giggling uncontrollably as Carina runs into the room, kneels down, and laughs in her face (and then does it over and over again), but it's heart warming and dare I say, guilt ameliorating? Then yesterday Carina showed Aurelia how to eat a banana and she watched intently, and then did it herself. Well, she tried to. Most of it ended up on her clothes and the high chair.

With each interaction I can't help but sit back and imagine all of the joy that they will share, fits of laughter they will experience, and how much they will teach and learn from each other. They will so often be the subject of each other's undivided attention.

Show baby "Railya" shapes!
And my heart is at rest, for the first time in a long time.

P.S. I'm sure there will be arguments, too, but let's not think about those today, mmmkay? ;)

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