Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Verdict: revisited

Less than a month to go, and then I'll be home with these sweet faces all day long once again.

Well, they're almost always sweet ;)

I'm mostly excited, just one small part scared. I can't wait to have on demand snuggles again. I'm so happy to be able to finally start tot school (more on this soon). Now that the agoraphobia is gone I'm eager to get out with the girls more often. At the top of my list of things to do and places to go is story time at the local library, playdates with friends, and trips to the park. And dare I say I'm looking forward to the possibility of a "nap-while-they-nap" every once in a blue moon?

But I'm worried about my anxiety getting worse. While working has been more physically exhausting, it has been a much needed mental break for me. I think after 6 months, the verdict is the same: working and staying at home each have their pros and cons.

During my two stints as a working Mom I've been more tired and feel like I'm constantly trying to play catch up with housework and errands (I admit it: thank goodness for grocery delivery). We got take-out more often, I neglect to clip coupons or shop sales as faithfully as I did before, and we lapsed on the cloth diapers for a bit. We opted for disposables for the couple months leading up to potty training Carina. I just couldn't manage doing diaper laundry every other day.

BUT -- I love my job. It's fun, I get to use my brain, and help improve patient care throughout my local health system. And it certainly doesn't hurt that I get paid a buttload of money to do it. I will miss it and the break it afforded me. Being away from home has made me realize how mentally exhausting it is for me to be responsible for multiple people (in addition to myself) round the clock. I know that's what we sign on for when we become parents, I guess I just never anticipated that I would truly need a break on a regular basis.

So I'm still holding out hope that my consultant boss will be able to find me something part-time. I think two days a week would be my ideal situation. It would be the best of both worlds...more time with my little ladies and to make sure our home doesn't look like a scene out of Hoarders, but still a break to keep my sanity and some extra money in our pockets. Fingers crossed.

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