What I missed last Spring & Summer

The better I feel the more I'm slowly realizing that my anxiety {specifically the agoraphobia} may have predated Aurelia's arrival. Last Spring and Summer we didn't get out much. It would have been the perfect time to explore this new city and state we're living in, but we only made it to the park a couple times a week and that was it. I told myself it was because I was pregnant and tired, but in retrospect...that was my easy out.

This year? Nothing is going to stop me from enjoying everything: the fresh air, the sun, this city, my girls.

We went to the Peabody Museum at Yale on Saturday and Carina circled the dinosaur room over and over. She informed me that Brontosaurus is her favorite and that he says, "RAWR!!" She also enjoyed the butterflies, ants, and "YUCKY snakes!"

On Sunday we let the girls play outside while we cleaned up the yard. We also set up the girls' Christmas gift from their aunt -- a water and sand table. 

Helping Daddy

Almost finished!

All done!

I'm not so sure about the sand, though. We might fill it with something a little less messy since sand + water = mud, and Carina discovered mud this afternoon and practically bathed in it. Daddy wasn't quick enough ;)

Any ideas for what to put in the sand side?

And the Mommy guilt washes away...

A few weeks before Aurelia was born I was overcome with a wave of sadness and guilt. It had finally hit me that from the day of Aurelia's birth, my time would forever be divided. Carina would never {consistently} receive my completely undivided attention anymore, and Aurelia would never have the opportunity at all.

Then Aurelia was born, and the guilt was almost palpable every time I let Carina's little hand go as she tried to pull me off the couch to "play, Mommy!" while I was nursing the baby. Her eyes, begging, "love only me" as she tugged at me and then walked away dejectedly. I cried. I lamented -- and feared -- that the close bond we had enjoyed for so long would begin to fade, especially as Aurelia began napping less often and things became more chaotic around the house.

Months later, Carina has really come to enjoy playing independently, but there are still often times when it pains me that I can't focus on her as much as I used to. But then, within the last couple weeks, something amazing has happened --

They're playing with each other.

Sure, it's mostly just Aurelia sitting still and giggling uncontrollably as Carina runs into the room, kneels down, and laughs in her face (and then does it over and over again), but it's heart warming and dare I say, guilt ameliorating? Then yesterday Carina showed Aurelia how to eat a banana and she watched intently, and then did it herself. Well, she tried to. Most of it ended up on her clothes and the high chair.

With each interaction I can't help but sit back and imagine all of the joy that they will share, fits of laughter they will experience, and how much they will teach and learn from each other. They will so often be the subject of each other's undivided attention.

Show baby "Railya" shapes!

And my heart is at rest, for the first time in a long time.


P.S. I'm sure there will be arguments, too, but let's not think about those today, mmmkay? ;)

Do you hear that? SILENCE

Only the peaceful sound of ocean waves washing up on the shore from the baby crack sound machine. It's night four of the girls sleeping together in their shared nursery and they both went to sleep FIVE MINUTES AFTER WE PUT THEM DOWN. Yes, that warranted caps.

I cannot believe what a win this has been. I was nervous to 1. transition Aurelia from the Rock 'n' Play to her crib and 2. have them both in the same room because the sound of sneezing wakes up Aurelia and Carina tends to call out at night.

Nights 1 and 2: Aurelia woke once to eat and Carina had night terrors, necessitating a transfer to our bed. It was a while before Carina fell back asleep both nights. Needless to say, I was tired.

Night 3: Both girls slept from 7 PM until 7 AM without waking.

Tonight: So far so good. Fingers crossed that this continues.


Naps, on the other hand? Not going so hot. Aurelia will only nap in the Rock 'n' Play (which we relocated to the nursery) and Carina thinks it's party time now that Aurelia is in there with her. Carina didn't nap at all today. Momma needs a drink...

Conspiring to never nap again EVER

When did you transition your little one to the crib? Any tips for successful tandem naps?

Not another girl

While bathing Aurelia today, her chubby arms flailed about as she giggled and splashed water everywhere. Carina hated baths when she was a baby. The rare times she didn't scream from beginning to end, she would at the very least pitch an epic fit as soon as I removed her from the tub, unceasing until she was fully clothed and nursing.

In this and many other things, Aurelia and Carina have proven to be very different. Carina cried and fussed quite often when she was a newborn. Aurelia has been pretty chill and relaxed. Carina was babbling, yelling, laughing, and squealing constantly at this age. Aurelia does a little, but is mostly pretty quiet. Carina would nurse for 30-45 minutes at a time while speed demon Aurelia needs 10 minutes tops on a slow day.

I'm sure these are just the beginnings of the differences between our two girls and there is no doubt that we will see many others emerge as they grow and develop. I know it's just semantics, but when we found out that Aurelia was a girl I was careful not to say that we were having another girl. Maybe it's completely in my head, but whenever I see or hear someone state that they are having "another" of either sex I read it as if it is laced with a twinge of disappointment. I wanted to be sure it never came off that way in our case, as I couldn't have been more excited that Aurelia was a girl.

Even though we have two girls, they are nowhere near carbon copies of each other, and are becoming more different by the day. Aurelia just isn't another Carina.

Here's to my not another girl.

If you have multiple children of the same sex, how similar or different are they?


P.S. This might win for lamest post ever. I blame the two beers I just downed while watching Villanova beat #5 Georgetown. And maybe I'll I go grab another...muhahaha

Finally - HEART MELT

After almost 3 months I finally got my melt your heart sister snuggle. 

Silly baby face

Ninja Mom snagged the binky

We're too cute for this camera

I almost die

I SERIOUSLY DIE

Give me back my binky!

Not joking!

That's right; I win

Baby gassy face

I just can't even...no words. HEART EXPLOSION.

Carina, the big sister

I've delayed writing this post because I kept on thinking that I would get a fantastic melt-your-heart picture of a proud Carina holding her baby sister. But? That hasn't happened.

We tried...she just about dropped her right after I took this photo

There is no doubt that Carina cares for Aurelia. A few times a day she kisses her or attempts to hug her - I say attempt because sometimes it is more like a football tackle. She seems genuinely concerned when she cries: she runs over and exclaims, "baby sad!" She joins in as Aurelia plays on the play mat, pushes her in the swing, and bounces her in the bouncer. Although any of those sister playtimes usually results in me reminding her to be "GENTLE! Baby isn't a toy." Lastly, Carina calls her "baby rella" every now and then and it just melts my heart. I don't expect that she'll be able to say Aurelia for quite some time ;)

When we first brought Aurelia home from the hospital

"Baby kisses!"

Watching each other

"Hello, baby!"

But she doesn't want to hold her yet. And that's just fine with me because given the delicateness of her hugs, I'm a little worried what holding her might look like ;)

"Carina, we don't head-butt the baby"

She doesn't seem jealous of the baby, thankfully. But she has started taking my hand when I'm sitting on the couch feeding the baby or letting her take a cat nap on me, trying to pull me over to her toys to play. Sometimes I just can't get up. Other times I manage to maneuver myself, baby, and nursing pillow over to wherever she's trying to lead me. I think she misses me, and having my undivided attention. And? I miss our time together, too.

I need to make an effort to spend more one-on-one time with her. By the time Mike gets home each night there usually isn't time for much other than eat dinner, play {with Daddy} for a few minutes, and bedtime. Maybe we'll start this weekend with a Mommy-Carina lunch date. I think she'd enjoy that.


How do you manage to spend quality time with each of your kids? I'd love to hear your ideas/solutions!