Not another girl

While bathing Aurelia today, her chubby arms flailed about as she giggled and splashed water everywhere. Carina hated baths when she was a baby. The rare times she didn't scream from beginning to end, she would at the very least pitch an epic fit as soon as I removed her from the tub, unceasing until she was fully clothed and nursing.

In this and many other things, Aurelia and Carina have proven to be very different. Carina cried and fussed quite often when she was a newborn. Aurelia has been pretty chill and relaxed. Carina was babbling, yelling, laughing, and squealing constantly at this age. Aurelia does a little, but is mostly pretty quiet. Carina would nurse for 30-45 minutes at a time while speed demon Aurelia needs 10 minutes tops on a slow day.

I'm sure these are just the beginnings of the differences between our two girls and there is no doubt that we will see many others emerge as they grow and develop. I know it's just semantics, but when we found out that Aurelia was a girl I was careful not to say that we were having another girl. Maybe it's completely in my head, but whenever I see or hear someone state that they are having "another" of either sex I read it as if it is laced with a twinge of disappointment. I wanted to be sure it never came off that way in our case, as I couldn't have been more excited that Aurelia was a girl.

Even though we have two girls, they are nowhere near carbon copies of each other, and are becoming more different by the day. Aurelia just isn't another Carina.

Here's to my not another girl.

If you have multiple children of the same sex, how similar or different are they?


P.S. This might win for lamest post ever. I blame the two beers I just downed while watching Villanova beat #5 Georgetown. And maybe I'll I go grab another...muhahaha

Teach your kids to love themselves by your example

I've alluded to the fact that I didn't have the best self-esteem while growing up {or even lately} a couple times now. I am trying to be conscious, however, of how I often I talk about this in front of Carina. While sure, I can be honest with all of you here and never worry whether it will have consequences, it's not quite the same when you have an impressionable tiny person running around.

She has already started to pick up on things we say, repeating almost everything she can. {Note to Mike: please stop cursing, as I don't think your Mother appreciated hearing Carina saying, "oh shit!" when she fell down at your family's home last weekend.} If she were to see me looking in the mirror and complaining about the way I look, or lamenting out loud how I don't feel pretty anymore, she may begin to think that that is normal and accepted behavior. That she should look in the mirror and find fault, rather than feel good about herself.

For her sake, so as not to bruise or confuse her developing sense of self-esteem, I need to get over these issues I have with my appearance. I'm never going to look the way I did at 21 - with perfect hair and skin (and the time to keep them that way!) My mission for the immediate future: to accept myself and the way I look, and not nitpick over imperfections that probably no one other than myself even notices.

Want to join me? Pay attention to how often you pick yourself apart or self-deprecate when it comes to your appearance, or even in general. Hopefully, loving ourselves will teach our children to love themselves, in turn.

Teach your kids not to be dbags

I'm starting a new series of posts. Whenever something pops into my head that I think everyone should teach their kids, I'll be sharing it with you. Wait, wait! Don't run away yet.

This won't be a collection of do it my way or else I'm going to judge you, you bad bad Mommy you or I really think you should parent like this because it's so much better - look, here I'll even cite sources posts. I think hope you know by now that I'm just not that kind of person.

Rather, it will be an assortment of things that - if everyone out there had been taught - would have saved me a lot of pain, sadness, and frustration at some point in my life. And others, too, of course.

So let's begin - with my adolescent awkwardness.

Me (right) and my sisters, ca. 1996

Bad acne. Horrible braces. Scary hair. No confidence whatsoever. And to top it off? A fuzzy chickie backpack (WTF?) As you can see here I was quite the epitome of cool.

Closer up, around 1998: doesn't my Mom look good? Me, on the other hand...

I was just all sorts of awkward, and almost everyone around me let me know it. I was barked at by kids on the bus and excluded by my group of so-called friends because I {and I quote} "wasn't hot enough to get any guys". Is it sad that I still remember that 15 years later? Even my sisters made fun of me on a regular basis (we're tight now; it's all good). On my 14th birthday, a "friend" called to invite me to see Titanic in the movie theater and said she'd call me later. When I hadn't heard from her by late afternoon, I called back and her Mom told me she was out at the movies. ::gutpunch:: <~~~Yep, looking back I totally laugh at this and how dramatic I was, but in my 14-year-old mind, it was akin to the end of the world.

At times I felt like my only allies were my Mom and my teachers. Which is probably why, in retrospect, I always made homework my priority and straight A's my mission. I threw myself into my studies and tried my best to let all the taunting roll off my back. Not always so easy, though...I ended up going to see a therapist for some time. Shortly thereafter we ended up moving to a new town which gave me the opportunity to completely start over. I never looked back and things just got better and better.

So...on to my point. Teach your kids not to be little jerks. I know we can't control everything our kids do, especially when they are not under our supervision all the time, but showing them how it feels so much better to be nice to someone than to be an ass really isn't that hard or time consuming. And if you ever find out that your kids have been bullying or teasing another child? Take action. Please don't shrug it off and mutter, "kids will be kids".

I was fortunate in that I found solace in my Mom and in my textbooks. And on the bullying severity spectrum? Mine was quite mild. Many other kids have not been so lucky. I just read that a 7-year-old (7 EFFING YEARS OLD) committed suicide on Wednesday because of bullying. I can't even...

Seriously, teach your kids not to be dbags.


What was your experience like growing up? Were you ever bullied? Have your kids been bullied?

Sell out

Somehow this post is less painful for me to write if I sing "Sell Out" by Reel Big Fish in my head as I'm typing. Bear with me, please.

I know I've alluded to the fact that money is really tight a few times now. We've cut back quite a bit, I clip coupons religiously, and we don't buy anything we don't need. I haven't bought myself any new clothes since early on in my first pregnancy. (Quick background - unfortunately, post doctoral fellowships don't pay much at all, even if it's at an Ivy League University. My non-compete agreement from my company is rock solid and boooo they aggressively enforce it; it doesn't expire until the end of August. I've looked for other jobs but nothing I've found would have me making enough to pay for daycare and still have some to spare.)

For a little while we thought we might sign up for WIC and energy assistance - we qualify for both. We just kept on putting it off in the hopes that we could figure something else out. And luckily, I think we have. But, I have mixed emotions about it.

This blog has always been for me. First it was my outlet when we were trying to conceive, then it transitioned into my pregnancy journal, and finally Carina's baby book. Now I guess we've come full circle with the impending arrival of baby geek #2. My focus has always been what is going on in my life - with just a dash of product reviews and giveaways of items I think you all will be interested in.

My focus will still be what is going on in my life - and I will post just as much as I have up until now. The change will be this; in addition to my regularly scheduled posts, I will be posting maybe once a week about other products, stores/companies, sponsored topics, and giveaways that might interest you. It might not seem like that big of a deal, and it really isn't (as most other bloggers do this), but it's still hard for me to make this change.

Maybe I'm being silly in caring so much about this, and in explaining myself like this to you. Maybe the majority of you really don't care? I just would hate to turn you off, lose you as a reader, or have you think I've turned to the dark side or something. I'm not doing this to be greedy. And I promise I'm not going to turn my blog into an endless stream of commercials. I'm humbling myself before you and admitting that it was either this, or financial dire straits for us.

I hope you understand. And now for some super cute {and silly} baby.

Well that was anticlimactic

Yesterday was my birthday; I turned 28. I guess it's time to start calling myself late-twenties?

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

My January 3rd birthday has often been semi-forgotten as a result of its proximity to both Christmas and New Years. When Carina was born on December 28th, it has become even worse. This year I didn't even realize my birthday was right around the corner until the evening of January 1st.

Yesterday was no different than any other day, except that I got a pass to order whatever I wanted from the pizza place down the street (which I did - pepperoni pizza, mozzarella sticks, AND cheese fries...I can feel my arteries constricting as I type).

The weird thing is, it really doesn't bother me. The intention of this post isn't to whine...I guess it's just to say that I'm okay with simply acknowledging the day (so long as I can also gorge myself on greasy unforgiving takeout). The fanfare, elaborate gifts, and excitement that accompanied my birthday in years past just don't seem necessary anymore.


Does anyone else feel like their birthday has become anticlimactic? Is this a normal life transition? Or am I weird?

P.S. My gift from M arrives today! Check this baby out. Can't wait to play with it.

Apparently I'm scarring my kid for life

Carina is almost one (yikes!) and I "still" do these things:

• Breastfeed on demand
• Ride next to her in the car when M is driving
• Comfort nurse her when she is upset
• Stick to a routine instead of a schedule

I'm in the {slim} minority when it comes to most of these things, but it doesn't bother me. It works for us. And I'd like to point out that I enjoy riding next to her in the car; it's not that she needs me to be there with her. Ha, there I go again defending my parenting decisions.

But alas, according to many (including those who will imply it to my face) she is going to end up all sorts of messed up as a result. I tell them I think they're right. Look, it's already happening... ;)

CRAZY BABY

Carina is not impressed with your unfounded judgments

Do you "still" do anything that gets you the side-eye from other parents? How do you respond?

Breaking my Internet Addiction

I unhooked our internet just minutes before we headed off to the airport on our way out of Wisconsin two weeks ago. From the time we arrived in Philadelphia until we moved into our new apartment, I spent very little time on the web.

At times I clamored for the keyboard and the comfort of friendly faces on Twitter and Facebook, but I {mostly} resisted in favor of spending time with my family.

It was hard. But it felt good...and freeing. I didn't care what my blog stats were. I was late in responding to e-mails. For a fleeting moment here and there I worried that people would get upset if I ignored their mentions or #FFs on Twitter, or their comments or questions on Facebook.

Then I snapped myself out of it. Why am I putting this pressure on myself? Why do I need to please everyone? Surely people don't expect me to be (or care if I am) on the interwebz all the time.

I've decided that I am not going to turn on my computer each day until Carina is down for her first nap. When she wakes up, it's going away until after she goes to bed at night. There is still a lot of unpacking and organizing to be done here, as well as getting settled in the area (ugh apparently you need to pay an arm and a leg to get a license and car insurance here). And have you seen how adorable and hilarious my baby is? I think that romping around with her takes priority over my tap-tap-tapping away at the keyboard. Plus, she tries to bang on the computer now when I am using it...

Turn off that computer and play with me!

So while I love all of you and this blog, Twitter, Facebook, etc it's a major timesuck. I hope you'll forgive me that I haven't been {and won't be} around as much, and that I am behind in my Google Reader. I'll figure out a way to get caught up and more efficient at my blog visiting soon. And TAT will be back (reliably) after the Holidays :)

How do you budget or limit your time on the internet (or do you)?

You are/aren't a bad Mom if...

I thought some perspective would do me good.

You aren't a bad Mom if you put your baby in the crib by himself for a little while when you need some alone time.

You are a bad Mom if you put your baby in the dog pen in the backyard by himself when you need some alone time. 


You aren't a bad Mom if you don't change baby's diaper right away after she poops (she might go again in a couple minutes, right?)

You are a bad Mom if you strap on baby's diaper with a belt and never change it at all.

{Source: fox.com}

  You aren't a bad Mom if you formula feed your baby. Whether you didn't want to breastfeed, struggled with breastfeeding, or couldn't breastfeed for whatever reason.

You are a bad Mom if your baby's first taste of solid food included a Big Mac and French Fries.
 

You aren't a bad Mom if you put baby in front of the TV to get a few things done around the house. 

You are a bad Mom if your baby is parading around on a TV show wearing a hooker skirt and thigh high boots.{I wish I were kidding}

{Source: insidetv.ew.com}

You aren't a bad Mom if you don't stay home with your children all day. Whether you really like to work, can't afford not to work, or want to stay home but can't do it and maintain your sanity at the same time.

You are a bad Mom if you use your cat as a babysitter while you go to the bar to throw back a couple jack and cokes.


Got a "you are" and/or a "you aren't" to add? Please share!

Why are there no sports clothes for baby girls?

Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely love dressing Carina up in frills, ruffles, dresses and ridiculously girly accessories (some of which you will see tomorrow, squeeee!) whenever I can. That said, I was recently thinking that I should try to to diversify her wardrobe, at least a little. So why is it that I cannot find a single onesie or shirt for a baby girl emblazoned with "Mommy's little slugger" or "Daddy's slam dunk"? P.S. do you think that second one is as funny as I do?

I know, I know..."but Mama G, boys play sports." Right. But so do girls. In 2001, 1 in 2.5 girls participated in high school sports¹. I bet that number is even higher today. Given such high participation levels, and all of the benefits of physical exercise and being part of a team, it seems logical to me that us Moms of girls would hope for our daughters to play sports someday.

This brings me to {what I think} is an interesting question; how do we choose our babies' clothes? Do we just pick up whatever is cute or on clearance, or do we select items that project upon our children certain ideals - what we hope they will be and/or what we want them to accomplish in life?

Thinking about it now, it's possible that I have been doing the latter...subconsciously. I bought a cute outfit with ballet slippers - and yes, I guess I do intend on enrolling Carina in ballet class someday. I avoided the "Diva" onesie because I would not want to encourage that sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. And while it may adorn a number of your adorable teeny clothes, Carina, I'm sorry to tell you that you can't be a real princess, no matter how badly I would like you to be.

Now I'm curious about all of you - how do you choose your children's clothes? Do your boys sport little baseball onesies? Are your girls running around in "Goddess" tees? I'm probably way overthinking this...

Speaking of sports, be sure to check out my awesome sponsor, Pro Dunk Hoops! They have some of the most innovative sports equipment I have ever seen. In all seriousness, I would much rather Carina ask for one of their hoops than a Barbie dream house someday.

¹Women's Sports Foundation, Women's Sports and Physical Activity Facts and Statistics, 2007

Yes, I cite sources. I'm a geek like that.

My attempt to end the SAHM vs. Working Mom debate

In Carina's short 9 months of life we've had a number of different arrangements. First, I was home with her all day for my 12 weeks of maternity leave. Then, I worked part-time for another 12 weeks. After that I worked full-time for just over 2 months. At the end of August I stopped working and am now with Carina all day every day, once again.

My conclusion after doing all three? Staying at home is definitely the hardest - for me.

For me.

Personally, I have found that working part-time is easiest. Just when I start to get frustrated/irritated/pooped on/screamed at I can hand her over to someone else. Perfect. Working full-time was harder - I was trying to do too much which resulted in me feeling like I wasn't being a good Mother, wife, or employee. But, I was able to converse with other adults on a daily basis and didn't have to be responsible for the needs of another person all the time.

Staying at home has been the hardest. Carina is only napping for a total of an hour a day {most days}, she cries when I put her down, and she would rather eat our cats' tails than table food. M is working on his thesis round the clock so I barely ever get a break. Each day is like a mini-struggle and sometimes I find myself counting down the hours until I can put her to sleep just so I can breathe. Mother of the year right here. This too shall pass, right? I know it's only a phase and will get better {hopefully}, but oh man in the meantime it is freaking hard. That said, I cherish the time I have with her. She giggles and it erases all of my frustration in the wake of hours of fussing.

Clean this up, Mommy. Oh, and there's another mess for you in my diaper.

My Mommy friends and I talk about staying-at-home and working quite often. Unfortunately, even the most benign conversations such as "how do you find time for yourself as a stay-at-home Mom?" or "how do you manage to stay on top of everything while working full-time?" somehow erupt into a debate about who has it harder.

It seems to me that the majority of Moms neglect to realize that we are all different. What I think is hard, you might think is a breeze. What challenges you, I might cruise through easily. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think there is a definitive verdict in this debate; it's personal. Working was easier for me, but it might be harder for you. Keep this in mind and encourage, appreciate, and celebrate your fellow Moms...rather than assume, condemn, and judge them. The former is more fun anyway, especially when wine is involved ;)

Confessions of a former blog hopper

Back in the late spring and early summer I participated in a number of blog hops. {For those who don't know what a blog hop is, you can probably stop reading, or you can check out my first Toddle Along Tuesday blog hop post} I really enjoyed discovering new blogs to read and loved seeing the number of Followers in my Google Friend Connect widget tick upwards. It was a win-win situation. I participated in one or two a week and wondered why I hadn't jumped on the blog hopping wagon sooner.

Pretty soon I noticed that the number of comments I was getting from other hoppers was surpassing those I received from my loyal followers.

• "Cute blog, can't wait to read more!" - I would have preferred a comment on the actual content of my post, but okay, I guess.

• "Following you from the hop!" - Really, that's it? Hmm...

• "Please come follow me at http://www.mycrappyblog.com" - If that's all you have to say, then, No I don't think I will come follow you, sorry.

• "I'm your newest follower from the hop - following on your blog, Twitter, and Facebook. I love when I can get all three in one place! If you could follow me on all three - or at least my blog and Facebook, that would be great." - Srsly?

My jaw dropped. This comment made me feel cheap and dirty. I quickly deleted the comment, hopefully before any of my readers saw it. It's likely that this person - and the people who leave similar comments, click that "Follow" button, and then never return. I don't need or want those people here. I would rather have a handful of faithful readers that visit my blog on a regular basis than have hundreds and hundreds of people whose faces appear in that GFC widget, but are never actually seen here.

I started my own blog hop, Toddle Along Tuesday, in the hopes of avoiding that cheap and dirty feeling, and creating more of a community environment. Since the hop was only for baby and pregnancy blogs it was certain that we'd have a lot in common. I am so thankful for all the great friends I made through the hop!

Towards the end, though, blogs that were not baby or pregnancy related started linking up, and the number of bloggers joining for the first time who were actually following me and my co-host Kristin was decreasing each week. This made me upset, because it takes a lot of time and effort to run a blog hop and we were barely getting anything in return. I decided that I didn't want to waste my time anymore. And that's when it hit me...I had become exactly what I was trying to avoid. I started caring more about the numbers I was gaining, instead of the friendships I was forming and the new blogs I was enjoying.

So you might have noticed that Toddle Along Tuesday has been on hiatus for about a month. I have been trying to find a way to improve the hop so that I would feel good about it (and myself). I am happy to announce that it will be back next week! But it's going to be a little different this time:

1. There will be no following requirements.
2. Instead of linking up your whole blog I will be asking you to link up a single post. Each week we'll have a post theme, and you can link a brand new post or an old post - whichever you'd like. 
3. I won't be posting the linky on Monday nights, instead it will go up with my Tuesday morning posts.

I'm excited for its return! I think linking posts instead of entire blogs will weed out the irrelevant blogs and shops (yes - some people even linked up their store websites), and will be more fun for everyone.


I didn't write this post to judge or condemn anyone who participates in blog hops. I hope I'm not offending anyone, as that is not my intent at all. These are just my feelings in regards to them. What are your thoughts?

Moms - it would be better if we stopped at "Yes" or "No"

Moms, I think we do ourselves a disservice by always feeling the need to justify our decisions.  I have been thinking about this a lot since my post regarding my love of breastfeeding. 

If someone asks me if I am choosing to be a stay-at-home-Mom, my response could be as simple as "Yes" or "No".  Why elaborate? 

Even the most well intentioned, "I love being home with my kids" could make the questioner feel as though I am insinuating that she doesn't have a strong bond with her children.  Similarly, if a working Mom responds, "well, I am educated and think that working makes me a good role model for my kids" could come across as implying that only the uneducated would ever stay-at-home, and that they could not be good role models for their children.

This applies to so many of our parenting decisions and might really help ameliorate the "Mommy Wars" tension that seems to make so many of us feel guilty inadequate on a daily basis.


Breastfeeding? No. 
vs. 
Breastfeeding? No, eww.  Boobs are toys not tools.

Cloth diapers? Yes.
vs.
Cloth diapers? Yes, I would never fill a landfill with hundreds of tons of crap.

Do you let your baby cry it out? No.
vs. 
Do you let your baby cry it out? No, I want my baby to be securely attached to me.

Staying at home? Yes.
vs.
Staying at home? Yes, I don't want my baby to reach for the Nanny when she is upset.


Yes or No.  Easy as that.  No smugness, no chance of misinterpretation...just the truth, free of judgment or implications.

Let's try this, Moms!  Maybe we can help each other feel better about ourselves and our parenting decisions with simple Yes/No answers.  What do you think?

Before you whip that tit out, I'm going to need to see...

...a birth certificate.

On Monday night, a town outside of Atlanta outlawed breastfeeding a child over the age of 2 in public.  It is now considered to be an act of indecent exposure.  If the baby is younger than 2 you are fine, but over 2: the breast you are "exposing" is now deemed "lewd".

Your own personal feelings about nursing in public and extended breastfeeding aside, should the government be able to make it illegal? Do we really need a group of men deciding where and how we should be able to feed our children?

But it's no big deal because...

• If the kid is old enough to ask for it and lift up your shirt, it's time to stop!
• A 2 year old can get everything they need from solid food
• Breastfeeding at 2 is sexual abuse
• Why can't they just do it in private?
• Moms should just pump and use sippy cups
• At 2, breastfeeding is more for the Mom than the baby

Do you agree with any of the above?

Some babies can talk at 9 months.  At not even 5 months, Carina can almost pull aside my shirt.  Should I wean her now, even though her doctor recommends breastfeeding for at least a year?  The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding up to 2 years of age and beyond because babies get more than just nutrients from breast milk.  Research has shown that breastfeeding past infancy results in children who are sick less often, have fewer allergies, and a reduced risk of asthma.  And those are just the health benefits.

The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that "It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years." (2008)  We are one of the few countries in the world who are in such a rush to take our breast milk away from our children and give them the milk of another animal instead.  Believe it or not, the average age of weaning worldwide is 4 years! (Baldwin 2001)

As for sexual abuse, to even believe that breastfeeding could be sexual abuse one would have to view breasts as primarily sexual objects.  Breasts were made for feeding babies.  They were not made to be the motorboated sexual playthings of men.  In my opinion, to treat them as if that is their primary purpose is male chauvinism at worst, just plain sad at best.  According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer." (2005)

I try to nurse in private whenever possible.  However, there are some times when it is just not possible.  On the plane on the way home from Carina's baptism, for example.  During take off and landing you can't get out of your seat.  And, the little miss spit up all over my nursing cover.  There isn't always going to be a private place for you to nurse your baby.  And should your baby have to be relegated to the bathroom in order to eat?  I have a feeling that if someone told you that you had to eat your meal in a place where people take a dump you would be none too pleased.

Pumping often takes a great deal of time and can be very uncomfortable for some women.  And to tell women that this is what they should do is operating under the assumption that it is even possible for all women.  Some women are not physically able to express milk at all.  While pumping and using cups might work just fine for some Moms, it isn't going to work for all and cannot become policy. 

I've been lucky and haven't had many issues with breastfeeding thus far.  I've only had one clogged duct, which while very painful, was not that bad relatively speaking.  Some women experience multiple bouts of mastitis and cracked and bleeding nipples.  We have to deal with breast engorgement, milk leaking through our clothes, and being physically tied to baby or a pump.  I highly doubt there are women out there that extend this pleasure filled ride for their own selfish reasons.

Lastly, how is this law even enforceable?  Will Mothers be forced to carry around their child's birth certificate?  I can just envision a cop approaching a Mother, "Ma'am, I'm going to need to see a birth certificate before you whip that tit out."  Is this really worth legislative time and effort, as well as taxpayer money?

I'm sorry this became so long.  I guess I didn't even realize how passionate I am about this until I wrote this post.  What are your thoughts?  It doesn't matter to me if you are uncomfortable with nursing in public or extended breastfeeding.  The issue here is: should the government be able to make it illegal?

 

 

Sources:
http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
http://www.aafp.org/online/en/home/policy/policies/b/breastfeedingpositionpaper.html
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;115/2/496
Elizabeth N. (2001). "Extended Breastfeeding and the Law". Breastfeeding Abstracts 20 (3): 19–20.