Pregnancy; you're drunk

Let me preface this by stating that I am not currently pregnant. I knew you'd ask, so better to put it all out there.

This post isn't about the strange and unfortunate ailments with which you are afflicted during pregnancy. Nor did I write it to lament the pain of labor or the miseries of that post-partum hot mess phase.

No. I want to discuss the freakish and frustrating side effects of pregnancy that we still have to deal with even as we approach the one year anniversary of its conclusion.

If you have been lucky enough to not experience any of the below? Then you won the pregnancy lottery and I don't want to hear about it ;)

1. Unceasing hair loss

Just when you think it isn't possible to lose any more hair, you find gobs of it surrounding the shower drain or on your hairbrush. Or even worse...sticking out of the baby's diaper (how on earth did it get in there?!?) and in between her toes. When will it ever end? Oh that's right; last time it finally ended when I got pregnant again. The cycle begins again.

2. Weird new hair growth

THIS JOKE ISN'T FUNNY. I'm losing my hair, yet at the same time I'm finding new little tufts spring up in unwanted places. All along my hairline I have wispy curlycues popping up on a daily basis. They seem immune to hair spray and escape even the most secure clips. I haven't straightened my hair in a while because when I do they stick straight out. Should I cut them? CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, human body.

One of the random sprouts. And whoa, my forehead is wrinkly.

3. Linea nigra freakshow

The mystical little brown line that showed up early on while I was pregnant with Carina did me the favor of not reappearing this time around until a few weeks before Aurelia was born. For a while I thought it wasn't going to grace me with its presence again. Well, since the line was late in showing up it must think it's okay to hang out for a while. Aurelia is almost 11 Months old and that line is STILL there, just as dark as it was on her birthday. Talk about overstaying your welcome.

Curse you, damned dark line. And? My belly button used to be cute. Le sigh.

4. Bladder control

I still can't cough or sneeze without having to clench like the aridity of my pants depends on it. I get it, when you're pregnant you have something the size of a watermelon putting pressure on your bladder, and all goes awry. But when you shoot out that basketball and things return to normal, why can I not laugh heartily without wetting myself 11 Months later? And this gets worse after each kid, in my experience. Moms of 4+, can you even more without an errant squirt?

I know there's more, but of course I'm forgetting because that absent-minded pregnancy brain that we're plagued with eventually turns into Mommy brain, which is even worse. Lately I've been lucky if I remember to shower more than three times a week... #yuck

Unplugging

I didn't want to tell you like this, but it's probably the only way that this post will make sense...

I think I'm dealing with post-partum anxiety.

I had already been feeling crazy sporadically, but watching/reading the details about this tragedy is exacerbating the sense of foreboding that I haven't been able to shake lately.

So, I need to step away. From the internet, from the television, from anything that is currently speaking endlessly of murdered children, only 45 minutes away from me. I just can't handle it right now.

I'd like to clarify that this anxiety isn't something I'm struggling with constantly. I've actually been feeling pretty good lately, in general. It's random instances where these insane thoughts and nonsensical "what-if" scenarios pop into my head and consume me. Or these bouts of OMG MUSTDOEVERYTHING CANNOTSITDOWNEVER. This isn't me. I have never been like this or had these thoughts before and they are scaring me. I'm not going to get into too many details right now because I need to sort it out on my own first, but I just needed to let you know that I'll be unplugging for a while.

And of course my heart and prayers go out to the families and friends of the victims <3


P.S. I have my Toddle Along Tuesday post and few giveaways that are already written and scheduled for this week, so I will go ahead with those as planned. But otherwise I will be few and far between. So please forgive me if I don't answer your e-mails, tweets, comments, etc. right away.

Bonding the second time around

I haven't been around much here on the blog, Twitter, or Facebook. I'm also a couple weeks behind on e-mails (sorry!)

Why? I've been busy doing this...

My mind is bursting with things to tell you, thoughts I've been having, and the enumerable milestones and details of the girls' lives that I can't wait to document.

But lately when I've been sitting down to write my ear captures the faint sound of tiny coos and I can't help but scoop up the little miss and snuggle until we both fall asleep. Or my eyes glance over and see my tired husband, just begging {without words} to be joined on the couch by his just-as-exhausted wife.

And the keyboard sits, abandoned.

When Carina was born, it took me a little while to bond, to be honest. Labor and post-partum recovery were such a shock to my system. Coupled with the initial sleepless nights? It's almost as if I was robbed of emotion...I was too tired and in pain to feel anything.

But from the moment Aurelia emerged, it was different. I instantly wanted to breathe her in, hold her close, and never let go. It's not personal, of course, as I love my girls both the same. Maybe it's that I've done it all before and my body and mind knew what to expect. Or that I subconsciously wanted to get a jump-start on creating the same loving and all-encompassing bond that I have with Carina. I don't know...and ultimately? It doesn't really matter.

I'm simply thankful that I felt this way, and that the feeling has intensified, not only towards Aurelia but towards Carina and Mike as well. All I want to do is snuggle my whole family all day long, every day. I just can't get enough.


Those of you with 2 or more little ones, how did bonding compare?

1 week Post-Partum update!

The saggy bag of jello is receding!

Me & my littlest

How far along? 1 week after delivery!

Weight gain/loss: 138 lbs. Loss of 9 lbs. Riddle me this: when I got home from the hospital and weighed myself I was only down 6 lbs., yet Aurelia weighed 7 lbs. 3.3 oz. How is this possible?!? :(

Feeling: Almost 100%! I'm pretty much back to my pre-giant-pregnant-belleh activity level and am feeling pretty good in general. *TMI warning* Sharing the following because people have asked: Just a little bit of cramping and light bleeding at this point. After Carina was born, I bled for almost a month. This time around? It has tapered off already. I'm hoping that I'm in the clear! I actually ditched the giant diaper pads and mesh underwear as soon as I got home from the hospital. I have also had very little soreness and no burning. I haven't needed to use the Dermoplast and I retired the peri-bottle a couple days after getting home as well.

Maternity clothes? I am still wearing a few maternity things (including jeans) because they are more comfy. And? It has been a little chilly and all of my Fall clothes are packed away. Must find them this weekend...

Sleep: Most nights Aurelia sleeps for one 4.5-6 hour stretch, and then another 2.5-3.5 hour stretch. So I am definitely not complaining! She cluster feeds for a couple hours before going down for the night, otherwise I'd worry she wasn't getting enough to eat. She gained 3 oz between getting discharged from the hospital and our well visit the next morning (less than 24 hours later)! I'm eager to see how she does at her next appointment on Monday, October 8th.

Breastfeeding: It's going really well. She has difficulty latching every now and then, but it's usually only for a minute or so before she gets it. I experienced just a little initial soreness like last time and some engorgement while my body was trying to regulate to her schedule, but otherwise no complaints here. Other than nighttime, I'm feeding her about every 1.5-2 hours. Sometimes it is even more frequent. I just feed her whenever she wants it ;)

Last time I took a photo of the sad saggy belly at 5 days post-partum, so naturally I had to take one this time to compare. It's really amazing how quickly it can recede - the photos above were taken just two days after the one on the right, below.

5 days post-partum with Carina (on 1/2/11) and Aurelia (on 9/28/12)

5 Fun Things About Post-Partum Recovery - Guest Post

Hi y'all! I'm Sarah from It's a Vol, wife to Christopher and toddler wrangling, coffee drinking, cloth diapering Mississippi Hippie mom to our girl Evie. I can't craft to save my life, but I bake a mean German Chocolate Cake. I am a sucker for tween music, my daughter's smile and the perfect glass of sweet tea. Stop by and say hi, y'all.  

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Since I am filling in for Melissa while she, Mike, Carina and Aurelia adjust to their new family and because frankly, all this talk of adorable squishy babies is giving me a case of the baby sniffles (not baby fever mind you, just the sniffles) I thought I'd give you and myself a little reminder about the truth of those post-partum days and perhaps provide me some much needed a little birth control. 

1) Jumping right in, let's talk about the massive amounts of blood that ooze out of your lady bits. Remember walking around with a pad the size of a Buick in your sexy mesh granny panties? I do. It was fun, right?

2) Whether you are having a vaginal birth, a c-section or an ear birth (just kidding -- you can't give birth out of your ear) something somewhere is getting shredded and it's gonna need to heal. And it's gonna hurt.

3) Moving right a long we've got the oh so lovely uber flabby, still stretched out three day post-partum belly. J-E-LLO. It's ALIVE!

4) The hormones, oh the hormones. I am convinced that Robert Louis Stevenson wrote the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde after a particularly unpleasant encounter with a sleep deprived six day post-partum momma.

5) Poop. After squeezing a watermelon sized object through a roughly 10 cm hole or having a six inch incision made in your lower abdomen to remove said watermelon sized object the doctors would like you to put enormous pressure on your bashed up girly parts or gashed open abdomen in an effort to produce a number 2. I don't think I need to elaborate here, ladies.

What "fun things" do you remember about your post-partum recovery? If you are expecting, what are you most looking forward to?

Thanks for the reminder Sarah - LOL!

Aurelia's Birth Story

When I wrote my due date update post on Sunday, September 23rd - little did I know that sharp abdominal pains would begin just a few minutes later. They didn't feel anything like contractions, so I wasn't sure what to make of them. They became more frequent, and then contractions started as well. While they were really painful, there wasn't a pattern and they weren't time-able at all. I just wasn't sure what to do so I called my OB and she suggested I go to L&D to get checked out anyway; the sharp pains concerned her.

We made it to the hospital around 2 PM and the monitors showed that I was having contractions every 4-6 minutes and Aurelia's heart rate was elevated. My OB suspected I might be dehydrated so she gave me IV fluids in the hopes that baby's heart rate would go down. Then just a few minutes later I started throwing up. After about an hour Aurelia's heart rate was still high and I was still having sharp pains and nausea so despite my only being 2 cm dilated at the time, she decided to admit me.

They broke my water shortly thereafter and contractions began to pick up. Soon they were only 2 minutes apart but I was still only 2-3 cm dilated. After a few painful stabs and a half hour of trial and error they finally placed the epidural successfully around 7:30 PM and I was feeling great! I caught some of the Patriots game while waiting to progress ;)

Last picture with the bump!

At 8:30 I was at 5 cm and by 10:30 I was at 9 cm. It was really starting to hurt again, so I had the nurse relieve my bladder in an effort to get things going and immediately afterwards I felt the urge to push. She called the OB back to the room and she checked and said I was ready to go. With Carina, for all 4 hours of pushing I felt no pain. This time? I literally felt like everything was going to bust open. I even asked Mike not to watch at one point because I didn't want to see the look on his face when all of my lady parts tore apart. Luckily, this only lasted for 5 minutes. ONLY 5 MINUTES OF PUSHING. And I didn't tear at all. I feel like I hit the labor and delivery jackpot this time around.

Aurelia emerged at 11:01 PM with her hand up at her face, waving to the world. They put her on my chest and I couldn't believe how much she looked like Carina. She weighed 7 lbs. 3.3 oz. and measured 20 inches long.

Oh hai!

Nursing for the first time

Recovery has been a breeze, relatively speaking. Since the epidural had mostly worn off, I was able to walk and move around just fine afterwards. Bleeding and cramping has been minimal. You know those awesome uterine massages the nurses and OB do? They didn't hurt at all! I couldn't believe this, as they hurt worse than anything else last time. There is barely any pain or soreness down below; I haven't even needed to use Dermoplast. Honestly it is almost as if I didn't just push 7 lbs. out of my vagina - I can't even believe it. Breastfeeding is going great as well. I feel so lucky and blessed to have such a positive experience and a healthy, beautiful baby girl.

Our first photo as a family of 4!

As I took this he said, "I'm the richest guy in the world"

Someone doesn't like her pretty dress

Tired Mommy & baby

Aurelia Ellen - September 23rd 2012

More photos and details about how things are going as soon as I can find some time! ;)

Want to see something scary?

Can you figure out what this is?

It's my saggy, cavernous belly button.  It is just a shadow of its former self. It used to be so tiny and cute; I loved it. Now you can barely even see the "button" part.  I warned you it was scary, hahaha.

On the plus side, my linea nigra is starting to slough off.  It was dark dark brown right after giving birth and I am so happy to see it fading.

When I posted about my 6 week post partum visit I forgot to include a picture.  So here it is, my 6 week post partum belly:

It's still super jiggly and I laugh every time I look at it.  Hopefully my poor distended ab muscles will start to tighten soon :)

6 week post-partum visit

I had my follow-up appointment with my OB today, which concluded my pregnancy care. I can't believe it has been six weeks already.

I was fortunate to have no complications after delivery or during recovery. The only thing that has been problematic actually started today (good timing, right?) I have a plugged duct. Half of my right boob feels like a rock; no fun at all. Andplusalso it hurts like a beotch. I have to massage it and apply warm compresses, and hopefully it will go away soon.

I am very excited to be able to take baths again! I took them almost daily throughout my 2nd and 3rd Trimesters to relax. I think I'll take Carina in the tub with me and pray that she loves it, too (and that she doesn't poop on me).

Oh, and how could I forget, I am happy to announce that we have an all clear, if you know what I mean... ;)

(What would have been) 39 weeks

Since baby has arrived, I will never reach 39 weeks. So here is a post-partum update!

How far along? 4 days after baby's birth
Weight gain/loss: 142 lbs, loss of 10 lbs. already!
Maternity clothes? I think I will be wearing maternity colthes for the next couple weeks just because they are so comfy
Stretch marks? No, I can't believe it! My belly is looking pretty crazy, though. It feels like a bag of saggy Jello and the linea nigra is super dark.
Sleep? As often as peanut will let us.
Best moment this week? Having our daughter, of course!
Food cravings: I had Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza last night :)
Gender: Girl
Belly button in or out? It never stuck out. It does, however, look all weird and stretched out now
Movement? Well, she is moving on the outside now
What I miss? I don't think I miss anything about pregnancy, honestly
What I'm looking forward to: Every day with baby!
Milestones: I think her birth at 38w3d counts as a milestone, what do you think?

Carina's birth story

Wow, I just can't believe our little princess is here. Let me preface our story by saying that we did NOT get what we had hoped for at all, but we are very happy given the circumstances.

Let's rewind to Christmas Eve morning, when I started having very small gushes of what I thought was cervical fluid. It was thicker than water, didn't have a smell, and was sporadic, so I didn't think much of it. This continued through the weekend and then, on Monday morning (12/27), I noticed I was having more and more of these small gushes. I called my doctor just to check in with him, and he suggested I go to triage at the hospital to rule out rupture of membranes.

I picked M up at work and arrived at the hospital around 2 PM. They did the amniotic fluid swab test and sure enough it was positive. My small gushes were an amniotic fluid leak. At that point I knew they wouldn't be letting me leave. I was sort of in a state of shock. They checked me and I was already dilated 3 cm, 30% effaced (yay!), but I wasn't having any contractions or other signs of labor. I asked them to let me try the breast pump to stimulate things naturally while M went home to get our hospital bags.

It didn't work. So the next options were pitocin and/or breaking the whole bag of waters. At this point I was really upset. I knew there would be no way I would be able to have the intervention free birth we had wanted, but consented to both since it was no longer about the experience I wanted, it was about getting baby out safely and quickly. Any sort of rupture of membranes (especially a prolonged 3-day leakage) carries a high risk of infection.

As they inserted my IV and strapped on two continuous monitoring devices (one for my contractions and one for baby's heart rate), I mourned the intervention free birth that I was not going to experience. Shortly after starting the very low dose of pitocin and breaking my water at 5 PM, the contractions started like crazy. I just didn't feel prepared. I was expecting to start with widely spaced out contractions that would increase in strength and frequency like we learned about in Childbirth class; I was not expecting to go from zero to feeling like my uterus was going to rip apart in less than an hour.

The Hypnobabies techniques really helped me to relax through the first few hours, but as soon as I was only getting a 1.5 minute break in between the contractions and the back labor started, I needed to try something else. I used the birthing ball, the tub, and walked around but nothing helped. I literally felt like something was going to explode out of my butthole. They checked me again at 10 PM and I was only 5 cm, 60% effaced. I was devastated that I hadn't progressed more. I think I actually teared up as I asked for an epidural.

The pain went away almost instantly and I was able to sleep until about 3 AM. They checked me and I was fully dilated and ready to go. I decided to sleep a little while longer to try to regain some strength and then I started pushing at 4:30 AM. I was so glad I rested as much as I had, because I ended up pushing for 4 hours. Fortunately, almost all 4 hours were painless; I could push effectively, but didn't feel any pain whatsoever.

Carina came out pink and perfect at 8:27 AM, scoring 9's on her Apgars. We snuggled and breastfed right away. I was completely in shock that I just pushed this little person into the world. Due to the prolonged, slow pushing, I only have two very superficial tears that barely needed stitches. Who knew that there could be a benefit to pushing for so long?

While I am upset that I wasn't able to have the natural birth we had hoped for, I keep on reminding myself that delivering her safely after having an amniotic fluid leak for 3 days was the important thing. We are lucky that we didn't have any complications from any of the interventions I had, and that we are both healthy and safe.

Sorry, that was long. If you've made it this far you deserve a medal!


Shortly after birth at 38 weeks 3 days gestation

Edited to add: I did not poop on the table!