"Will you be trying for a boy?"

Yep, that's the conversation my OB started while she had me up in stirrups at my 6 week post-partum follow-up today. She had asked what our preferred method of birth control for the immediate future would be, and I told her that I would just be charting to avoid and "if it happens, it happens". Although I must say we're hoping that my cycle won't be returning for 11 months like last time...

I have heard this, "will you be trying for a boy?" question a handful of times now and each time it irks me a little bit more. Why does everyone assume that you want a child of the opposite sex? Back before we knew Aurelia was a girl, I truly didn't have a preference. And even now? I still don't. I'd love to have a boy - especially for Mike - but more girls would make me just as happy. I think I need to confess, though, that I don't think I'd be sad if we are never blessed with a boy. Why does this pain me to admit?

We know that our family isn't complete yet. I'm not sure how many more children we'll have, but I am sure that we will be happy and feel so blessed regardless of their sex. I did promise Mike, though, that he could buy a motorcycle if we end up with 4 girls (ha!)

My girls. My everything.


Is anyone else with me? Would you be fine with having all boys or all girls?

Due date update & 17 weeks!

We found out at our early dating ultrasound that deuce was measuring 2 days ahead of my estimated due date of September 25th, as determined by my charting. If you aren't familiar with charting, it's awesome. Had I not been charting during my first post-partum cycle, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant! I would have been sitting back on cycle day 27 waiting to take a pregnancy test, instead of...well...you know ;)  In the same vein, my doctor would {mistakenly} think I am 2 weeks further along in this pregnancy than I actually am. Eeek!

Anyway, since my doctor will be going by the September 23rd due date, I'm going to start using it as well. So, that means I'll get to take my weekly update pictures on Sunday nights and post on Monday instead of taking them on Tuesday nights, and posting on Wednesday.

No more bare belleh photos. It looked a little freakish tonight.

How far along? 17 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 120 lbs. Up 2 lbs. so far.

Feeling: I'm STILL sick, and it's pretty miserable. I think it's because I'm not taking good enough care of myself (eating enough, getting enough sleep, etc.) Time to make myself a priority this week.

Maternity clothes? Anyone have any good recommendations for maternity PJs? My cute flannel sets from Victoria's Secret are getting a little tight in the waist.

Sleep: Carina is still waking about once a night due to her also being sick, and some killer teething. I've been trying to get to bed earlier to get some extra sleep, but it's not going so well.

Food cravings: Krispy Kreme donuts. I was sad to learn that there aren't any around here :(

Movement? I mostly feel deuce in the early mornings while I sit on the couch and drink my coffee.

What I miss? Beer. M had a few while watching the Flyers games this weekend and it made me jealous.

Best moment this week: Getting my smartphone back! More to come on this - and some consumer tips - later this week.

What I'm looking forward to: It's supposed to be super nice out this week. Hoping to make it to the park for some playdates!

Next Appointment: April 20th.

Milestones: Baby's fingers and toenails are beginning to grow this week!

I think that 17 weeks last time was when I really thought you could tell that was pregnant (as opposed to chubby). Still trying to figure out when that happened this time around.

I just can't keep this from you any longer...

Carina is going to be a big sister :)

That super dark line is the test line - whoa!

It's still really early, but I told you guys just a few days after my BFP last time and I didn't want to break with tradition. I toyed with keeping it a secret until after my first appointment at 10 weeks, but there is no way I can wait until then; I'm just not good at secrets. And plus also, this blog is my virtual baby book and I want to document everything from early on like I did while I was pregnant with Carina.

M and I were watching a movie one night about a week and a half ago, during which I nagged him, "can you make me Mac & Cheese?" "please make me Mac & Cheese?" "I could really go for some Mac & Cheese" {no joke} 6 times over the course of a half hour. Then, I felt all woozy from half a glass of wine. He looked at me and asked, "are you pregnant?!" At that point I was 10 dpo (days post-ovulation) which is pretty early, and I hadn't planned on testing for another couple of days, but figured what the hell.

We stood in the bathroom watching the test develop and at first there was no 2nd line. We're waiting, watching, "nope, nothing there...still nothing...nope...oh wait...is that....do you see something? Yep that's definitely a line; holy crap I'm pregnant."

We were so lucky this time around. It took us 8 cycles to conceive Carina. Baby #2? My first postpartum cycle. We're still in shock, to be honest. This baby will arrive sometime around September 25th, and we couldn't be more excited! I've been feeling pretty awful so far, so I apologize in advance if my posting slows down a bit. Momma needs some ice cream, and a nap... ;)

My crazy bloat

P.S. If you are friends with me on Facebook or know me in person, please keep this to yourself for a bit longer if you don't mind. Not all of our friends know yet, and I won't be making a big announcement until the end of 1st Tri, probably. Thanks! :)

It's safe to say I'm a roller coaster, isn't it?

I'll bet that some of you were wondering how we were possibly thinking about trying for baby #2 when just a month ago I felt like I was losing myself and was suspecting that I might be suffering from postpartum depression.

Truth is, I have felt like an entirely different person since day 2 in our new home.  M isn't working 80 hour weeks. Carina hasn't been nearly as fussy as before. Tomorrow I will see some of my family for the 3rd time since our move. Being just a few hours away is an entirely different story...it's like I have an additional support system due to the proximity. We can finally unpack everything (that we had previously stored due to the short duration in our last apartment) so I am feeling much more settled. Because I know we'll be here for a while, I have the motivation to go out and make friends, have play dates, etc.

I am enjoying life again.

For this I am so thankful. I think {and hope} that what I was feeling was situational. We'll see how the next few months go.

I am so happy to be "home".

Carina snuggling with her Pepere

Because I have never shied away from an overshare...

I am happy to report that my cycle returned on Thursday.

Let operation make Carina a big sister commence!

Pssst...can you keep a secret?

Well, I guess it isn't much of a secret anymore now that I'm broadcasting it to the interwebz...but M and I are ready for another baby!

M has always wanted to field a soccer team 3-5 kids so we figure why not get started now?  It took us 8 months to conceive Carina, so who knows how it will go this time around.  I am still practically exclusively breastfeeding - as Carina would rather decorate her shirt, bib, and the high chair with purees than eat them - so I'm guessing it might take a while.

Maybe we're a little nuts to start now with Carina less than 8 months old, but we can't wait for her to be a big sister.  M looked at her yesterday and remarked, "she's so beautiful, smart, and amazing...let's make another."  And it made me smile.

Tell me I'm not crazy?  Or go ahead and tell me I am crazy.  If you have two children (or more), what is the age gap between them?

The most amazing word...

I woke up on Thursday - 10dpo and my temp was still up (which is really unusual for me), so on a whim I decided to test with a internet cheapie. I saw a faint line right away. I started crying when I first saw the second line, woke up Mike and said, "you don't have to get your sperm tested!" He was confused, and then realized what I meant. Definitely not the most romantic or creative way to tell him, it was just the first thing that popped into my head.

I followed it up with a FRER that evening, again, a faint line. Another cheapie yesterday, darker line. I went to the doctor after work and peed again. They called a couple hours later, pregnant! They set up an appointment for me with the OB Coordinator on May 25th. The OB Coordinator will get all of my appointments set up. I'll be almost 8 weeks then...I'm super excited!

I saved the digital for today, 12dpo. "Pregnant" came up in less than a minute. I am still in complete shock. Mike is over the moon.

I am due January 10th. I'm already feeling it, I've been exhausted the last couple days, I feel like a gas factory, and I've had all sorts of twinges, pressure, etc. It just feels 'full' down there. I don't think there's a better way to describe how it feels.

On Monday (at 4 weeks) I'm going to start recording everything on here, but in the mean time I figured I'd take a baseline picture to compare my future belly against. Here it is:

3 weeks, 4 days (day after first BFP)

Thank you for your support ladies! Having this blog (and having you read it, of course) has been so therapeutic for me, and I hope you'll continue to share this journey with me.

I still can't believe we conceived the day after our anniversary...it's likely that sex on the day of our anniversary did the trick!

Blah news and a dirty mustache

It looks like M's testosterone is borderline. His doctor isn't worried, since it is technically in the normal range, but the problem with the testosterone reference range is that it isn't age-specific. This means that his testosterone level might be normal for an 80-year-old, but it isn't for a 26-year-old.

We're not going to worry about it for now. He doesn't have any low testosterone symptoms, thank goodness. He'll go in for an SA next week and then we'll re-evaluate. We're both still pretty down, though.

In other news, M's mustache competition for charity was last night. It was HILARIOUS. It was a bunch of drunk guys in costumes for a mock beauty pageant. There was a Mr. Potato Head (he won), Mario from Super Mario Bros., the Swedish Chef, etc. M went as a mafia member. He raised $500 for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. The grand total for all contestants was $4300!



I am so proud of his dirty 'stache.



Please cross your fingers for good results for M's SA.

Woot woot!

I am either 2dpo (days post ovulation) or 4dpo today...so I either ovulated the day before my anniversary, or the day after! Conceiving on/near our anniversary would be the coolest thing ever.

I've got my fingers crossed for a January 2011 baby. I was a January baby (1/3/1984), and I've always loved it.

I'm feeling hopeful this time around, and I've been praying a lot. M has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and will be asking about getting an SA. I told him that he doesn't actually have to get it done until after I get AF this cycle. I am hoping so hard that this cycle will be it, so he won't have to go through that...

Onto Cycle #8

After temp drops on Thursday and yesterday, I knew AF was on her way. She showed up very early this morning. As if that wasn't bad enough, I woke up in the middle of the night a few times and got sick. I couldn't really get to sleep until after 4 AM. I have no idea what caused it, but I'm a little concerned that I might be coming down with something given my enormous temp jump this morning.

I'm not as upset about CD1 as I thought I'd be. I think it might be because we have a plan going forward:

1. A few months ago my doctor told me I could bring in my charts at any time and she would take a look. I told her that it was too soon, but I'm beginning to think it might be time. Why not? Who knows, maybe she'll see something in my chart and want to do bloodwork, etc.

2. M has a yearly doctor's appointment on 4/22. He is going to tell his doctor that we've been trying unsuccessfully now for 7 months, and that we know I am ovulating and we are timing sex correctly. He is also going to mention the fact that he works with carcinogens and chemicals on a daily basis. Hopefully his doctor will recommend an SA at this point.

Wish us luck!

6dpo and...

...this is the first cycle where I actually don't have a good feeling. It's not for any particular reason; we timed everything well and it looks like I ovulated. I don't really understand why I'm feeling this way.

Maybe because after 6 months of disappointment, it's just easier to not have any hope at all?

No...I can't let myself feel this way. 6 months is too early to get this down. I'm going to have to work on developing some positivity.

We had a nice talk last night...

about what we would do if we couldn't get pregnant. It's so hard to think about; I even got a little teary-eyed as we talked about it. It would be so devastating, but we would find a way to have a family anyway.

First we talked about if we had trouble on our own. We've agreed that we would try IUI, but we're still unsure about IVF. If we have good insurance coverage wherever we end up, maybe, but I think both of us are a little concerned about what the meds would do to me. Honestly, if it came to it, and we could afford it, I think we'd cautiously give it a try.

If we still don't have any luck, we're going to opt to be foster parents, with the hopes of adopting permanently. I believe there are classes we'd need to take and I've heard that there is a lengthy selection process, but we have time on our side. If we are foster parents, even if we don't end up being able to adopt any children permanently, at least we'll make a difference in their lives for a short period of time.

Teeny Tiny Vent

It really bothers me when people don't want to start trying to conceive (TTC) at a certain time or want to take a break from TTC so that they will have a baby during a specific time of the year. Now, if you are planning around a tangible event (say you are moving and don't want to be 9 months pregnant), I completely understand, and my little rant doesn't apply to you.

I'm talking about those people who just "feel like" having a spring/summer baby, or those who want to avoid having a due date around Christmas so that their phantom baby won't get fewer presents. My birthday is January 3rd and I quite often got dual "birthday-Christmas" presents. Did it bother me at the time? Maybe a little. Would I sit a cycle out (when you only have a 20% chance of conceiving per cycle) so that my phantom baby will get his/her fair share of presents? Not a chance.

I just don't get wanting to have a baby, but only during a certain season of the year, etc. M and I would be ecstatic to have a baby anytime, no matter when, no matter the circumstances. Our desire isn't conditional. I guess that's the bottom line; I don't understand how some people's want of a baby can be conditional. It saddens me that they wouldn't be happy to accept a baby at any time, and that the reason why is so superficial.

::steps off soapbox::

Well hello AF, you're a biotch

CD (cycle day) 1 today...with a vengeance. I wish hitting 6 months didn't hurt so bad. I know there are many ladies out there who have been trying a lot longer, I guess I'm just bummed because it's my first mile stone.

I'm starting to lose hope. And faith. I just don't understand how so many wonderful people can't catch a break. Even those I care so much about who did get BFPs last week were only able to experience the joy of being pregnant for a few short days.

God, seriously, are you up there? You can stop playing this cruel joke on all of us right about now. That would be great. kthxbai

My chart crashed

Well, my temp is almost at the coverline today. It went from my highest temp in 3 cycles yesterday, to only a few hundredths above the coverline today. Oh well. Sorry about the pregnancy rhinitis post...no matter how hard I try not to get my hopes up, I always do. I feel like an idiot.

On a lighter note, at least I got to meet up with quite a few of the bump ladies today. We had a great lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. It was just what I needed! Here we are:



Tomorrow we'll likely be on to cycle 7...

*Achooo!!*

I swear I have been sneezing constantly for the last 24 hours. Being an idiot, I decided to google frequent sneezing and found a plethora of people and websites claiming that it's an early pregnancy symptom (here's one example: Babies Online - Pregnancy Rhinitis). In addition to sneezing, I've also had head congestion and a stuffy nose that started about 24 hours ago. Coincidentally, the website also says that those are symptoms of Pregnancy Rhinitis. I know, I know...I probably just have a cold. Someone please smack some sense into me.

M is out of town visiting his brother in California, so even if I do get a positive test sometime this weekend, I won't be telling anyone. I'm hoping to hold out to test until he gets home on Sunday, but we'll see if I have the will power. If I am so fortunate to get a BFP (big fat positive) it is going to be really hard to keep it a secret!

Back from the doctor's office...

I ovulated on Wednesday (finally, on cycle day 21) and I had ovulation pain on Tuesday and Wednesday, like I usually do. Thursday, it went away but returned at night. It was so bad I went to bed early. Every time I moved around it hurt. Fast forward to this morning; it still hadn't gotten any better. When I went to the bathroom around lunch time it was so awful I broke down and called the doctor.

The OB who saw me was very nice. When I told him about my ovulation pain he said its definitely possible that what I'm feeling now is the follicle that released the egg. It could have gone a bit out of control instead of going away after I ovulated. I just hope the egg actually got released!

He had me take a pregnancy test (despite my telling him I am only 2 dpo - days post ovulation) and he checked my pee for an infection, but everything came back negative. He gave me a prescription for Tylenol + Codeine to help deal with the pain. He said if it gets a lot worse to come back for an ultrasound. Otherwise, I'm just supposed to wait for it to go away.

Uggh.


And now for something completely different. Here are a few of the first pics I took with my new iPhone:


Our furbabies Layla and Rufus

Happy Valentine's Day!

These are not my kitties, but I feel like they express the sentiment well.


I hope everyone has a fantastic Valentine's Day! M cooked me lasagna from scratch (he even made the noodles!) last night, and we had a nice candlelight dinner. He made hazelnut puffs for dessert, too. Everything was so good, I feel so lucky to have a husband who is an amazing cook!

After communion at church this morning, when I was kneeling and praying I almost started crying. This is the fourth or fifth time that has happened in the last couple months. I prayed for two things:

#1. A baby
#2. The strength to hold it together when prayer #1 goes unanswered each month

The sermon was about knowing that God is there and that he is listening even in your darkest times. Even though he may take longer to answer your prayers than you might hope...he does, in fact, answer them.

I hope he answers my #1 prayer soon, and I hope he answers all of your prayers as well. Amen.

Nearing ovulation...

...I think? I've had a whacked out chart so far this cycle. Not sure what is going on with it. I bought a second basal body thermometer (a CVS one this time) and I'm actually comparing them this cycle. I wanted to see how accurate my Walgreens one is since it's given me a lot of very low readings, and it seems to have a lot of 'favorite' temps. For example, it frequently stops at 97.05 and 97.18, but never at any of the values in between. I don't think it's as precise as it claims to be.

So far, about half the time they are right on (within .05 degrees of each other), but the other half they are not. I've had a couple days where one is 97.05 and the other is 97.2, the biggest difference was 96.8 and 97.09. I think I'm going to stick with the CVS one from here on out.

Wow, it's really pathetic that I did a BBT experiment, isn't it?

I think for Valentine's day M is going to cook me a nice dinner, and we'll have some wine and dine by candlelight. That's about as romantic as we get. Hopefully I'll ovulate sometime this weekend. How cliche would that be, conceived on Valentine's Day?? If only we could be that lucky...

Sorry about my tone...

Lately I feel like my tone on here has been a bit negative. I don't mean for it to be that way, because I promise you, M and I are having a lot of fun trying to get pregnant ;o)

I guess I'm just having difficulty with the fact that nothing really seems to be easy for us. I was hoping, praying, that we would be able to get pregnant quickly, as if God somehow owed us this because we've been dealt a crappy hand lately. Maybe I just have an entitlement issue...

In the last ten years I've had to handle watching one of my older sisters die, walking on eggshells with my younger sister so that she didn't try to kill herself again, getting raped, the legal process involved with the aforementioned issue, losing too many other relatives to name, being far away from our families, on and off medical issues, etc. Please don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining. Dealing will all of this has made me who I am today. I just don't know if I can handle anything else.

God, I thank you every day for my wonderful husband. Everything about our relationship has been easy, the only thing that has been easy for us, and I can't express how appreciative I am for that. But please, if you only ever do one more thing for us, let this be it.