Pregnancy; you're drunk

Let me preface this by stating that I am not currently pregnant. I knew you'd ask, so better to put it all out there.

This post isn't about the strange and unfortunate ailments with which you are afflicted during pregnancy. Nor did I write it to lament the pain of labor or the miseries of that post-partum hot mess phase.

No. I want to discuss the freakish and frustrating side effects of pregnancy that we still have to deal with even as we approach the one year anniversary of its conclusion.

If you have been lucky enough to not experience any of the below? Then you won the pregnancy lottery and I don't want to hear about it ;)

1. Unceasing hair loss

Just when you think it isn't possible to lose any more hair, you find gobs of it surrounding the shower drain or on your hairbrush. Or even worse...sticking out of the baby's diaper (how on earth did it get in there?!?) and in between her toes. When will it ever end? Oh that's right; last time it finally ended when I got pregnant again. The cycle begins again.

2. Weird new hair growth

THIS JOKE ISN'T FUNNY. I'm losing my hair, yet at the same time I'm finding new little tufts spring up in unwanted places. All along my hairline I have wispy curlycues popping up on a daily basis. They seem immune to hair spray and escape even the most secure clips. I haven't straightened my hair in a while because when I do they stick straight out. Should I cut them? CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, human body.

One of the random sprouts. And whoa, my forehead is wrinkly.

3. Linea nigra freakshow

The mystical little brown line that showed up early on while I was pregnant with Carina did me the favor of not reappearing this time around until a few weeks before Aurelia was born. For a while I thought it wasn't going to grace me with its presence again. Well, since the line was late in showing up it must think it's okay to hang out for a while. Aurelia is almost 11 Months old and that line is STILL there, just as dark as it was on her birthday. Talk about overstaying your welcome.

Curse you, damned dark line. And? My belly button used to be cute. Le sigh.

4. Bladder control

I still can't cough or sneeze without having to clench like the aridity of my pants depends on it. I get it, when you're pregnant you have something the size of a watermelon putting pressure on your bladder, and all goes awry. But when you shoot out that basketball and things return to normal, why can I not laugh heartily without wetting myself 11 Months later? And this gets worse after each kid, in my experience. Moms of 4+, can you even more without an errant squirt?

I know there's more, but of course I'm forgetting because that absent-minded pregnancy brain that we're plagued with eventually turns into Mommy brain, which is even worse. Lately I've been lucky if I remember to shower more than three times a week... #yuck

"Will you be trying for a boy?"

Yep, that's the conversation my OB started while she had me up in stirrups at my 6 week post-partum follow-up today. She had asked what our preferred method of birth control for the immediate future would be, and I told her that I would just be charting to avoid and "if it happens, it happens". Although I must say we're hoping that my cycle won't be returning for 11 months like last time...

I have heard this, "will you be trying for a boy?" question a handful of times now and each time it irks me a little bit more. Why does everyone assume that you want a child of the opposite sex? Back before we knew Aurelia was a girl, I truly didn't have a preference. And even now? I still don't. I'd love to have a boy - especially for Mike - but more girls would make me just as happy. I think I need to confess, though, that I don't think I'd be sad if we are never blessed with a boy. Why does this pain me to admit?

We know that our family isn't complete yet. I'm not sure how many more children we'll have, but I am sure that we will be happy and feel so blessed regardless of their sex. I did promise Mike, though, that he could buy a motorcycle if we end up with 4 girls (ha!)

My girls. My everything.


Is anyone else with me? Would you be fine with having all boys or all girls?

1 week Post-Partum update!

The saggy bag of jello is receding!

Me & my littlest

How far along? 1 week after delivery!

Weight gain/loss: 138 lbs. Loss of 9 lbs. Riddle me this: when I got home from the hospital and weighed myself I was only down 6 lbs., yet Aurelia weighed 7 lbs. 3.3 oz. How is this possible?!? :(

Feeling: Almost 100%! I'm pretty much back to my pre-giant-pregnant-belleh activity level and am feeling pretty good in general. *TMI warning* Sharing the following because people have asked: Just a little bit of cramping and light bleeding at this point. After Carina was born, I bled for almost a month. This time around? It has tapered off already. I'm hoping that I'm in the clear! I actually ditched the giant diaper pads and mesh underwear as soon as I got home from the hospital. I have also had very little soreness and no burning. I haven't needed to use the Dermoplast and I retired the peri-bottle a couple days after getting home as well.

Maternity clothes? I am still wearing a few maternity things (including jeans) because they are more comfy. And? It has been a little chilly and all of my Fall clothes are packed away. Must find them this weekend...

Sleep: Most nights Aurelia sleeps for one 4.5-6 hour stretch, and then another 2.5-3.5 hour stretch. So I am definitely not complaining! She cluster feeds for a couple hours before going down for the night, otherwise I'd worry she wasn't getting enough to eat. She gained 3 oz between getting discharged from the hospital and our well visit the next morning (less than 24 hours later)! I'm eager to see how she does at her next appointment on Monday, October 8th.

Breastfeeding: It's going really well. She has difficulty latching every now and then, but it's usually only for a minute or so before she gets it. I experienced just a little initial soreness like last time and some engorgement while my body was trying to regulate to her schedule, but otherwise no complaints here. Other than nighttime, I'm feeding her about every 1.5-2 hours. Sometimes it is even more frequent. I just feed her whenever she wants it ;)

Last time I took a photo of the sad saggy belly at 5 days post-partum, so naturally I had to take one this time to compare. It's really amazing how quickly it can recede - the photos above were taken just two days after the one on the right, below.

5 days post-partum with Carina (on 1/2/11) and Aurelia (on 9/28/12)

5 Fun Things About Post-Partum Recovery - Guest Post

Hi y'all! I'm Sarah from It's a Vol, wife to Christopher and toddler wrangling, coffee drinking, cloth diapering Mississippi Hippie mom to our girl Evie. I can't craft to save my life, but I bake a mean German Chocolate Cake. I am a sucker for tween music, my daughter's smile and the perfect glass of sweet tea. Stop by and say hi, y'all.  

  You can find us on FACEBOOK * TWITTER * PINTEREST * INSTAGRAM    

Since I am filling in for Melissa while she, Mike, Carina and Aurelia adjust to their new family and because frankly, all this talk of adorable squishy babies is giving me a case of the baby sniffles (not baby fever mind you, just the sniffles) I thought I'd give you and myself a little reminder about the truth of those post-partum days and perhaps provide me some much needed a little birth control. 

1) Jumping right in, let's talk about the massive amounts of blood that ooze out of your lady bits. Remember walking around with a pad the size of a Buick in your sexy mesh granny panties? I do. It was fun, right?

2) Whether you are having a vaginal birth, a c-section or an ear birth (just kidding -- you can't give birth out of your ear) something somewhere is getting shredded and it's gonna need to heal. And it's gonna hurt.

3) Moving right a long we've got the oh so lovely uber flabby, still stretched out three day post-partum belly. J-E-LLO. It's ALIVE!

4) The hormones, oh the hormones. I am convinced that Robert Louis Stevenson wrote the Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde after a particularly unpleasant encounter with a sleep deprived six day post-partum momma.

5) Poop. After squeezing a watermelon sized object through a roughly 10 cm hole or having a six inch incision made in your lower abdomen to remove said watermelon sized object the doctors would like you to put enormous pressure on your bashed up girly parts or gashed open abdomen in an effort to produce a number 2. I don't think I need to elaborate here, ladies.

What "fun things" do you remember about your post-partum recovery? If you are expecting, what are you most looking forward to?

Thanks for the reminder Sarah - LOL!

Things I Actually Say: LABOR EDITION - Toddle Along Tuesday

No joke, about 5 minutes after I published my due date bumpdate yesterday, contractions started. 12 hours later, at 11:01 PM, Aurelia was born weighing in at 7 lbs 3.3 oz & 20 inches long. Birth story and more details to come once I have rested! For now, will this cute squishy and my during-labor-ridiculousness satisfy you?

Things I Actually Say During Labor

*TMI warning*

It feels like I'm going to poop everywhere

I didn't tear? VAGINA OF STEEL!

Gas!! YES!

Looks like putting on the cute underwear worked! {will explain this one later}

HOLY CRAP I FEEL EVERYTHING!

Good thing this wasn't you! - to Mike, who has a rather hairy back, as the Anesthesiologist struggled to peel all the tape off my back while taking out the epidural catheter


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This week's Toddle Along Tuesday co-host is Kat from Living Like the Kings and the topic is Things I Actually Say! Tell us some of the crazy and/or ridiculous things that have come out of your mouth lately. Here are some of my favorite non-labor related ones. There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog (or business, #comeonnow).



Next week's topic is favorite toddler toys! I've started Carina's Christmas list and would love to see what your little ones are currently enjoying. If your baby isn't quite a toddler yet, feel free to share a baby toy.

If you like advance notice for TAT, check out the bottom right of my blog - topics for the next couple months are listed. Would you like to submit a topic idea and/or volunteer to co-host one week? E-mail me!

Pregnant Problems: Exhibit H

Before you read this one, I'm going to go hide in a corner.

Laugh at me even more ---> previous pregnant problems

The most pregnant I've ever been & a ridiculous PSA

Here I am, 38 weeks and 3 days and no baby yet. Carina was born at this gestational age after it was discovered that I had a leak, potentially caused by my less-than-agile cat falling from great heights. We'll never know if kitty was the culprit, but I am happy to report that there are no loft railings in our current place; so that isn't a worry this time around.

If you'd like to reminisce:

One little PSA for 1st time Moms-to-be or VBAC Moms:
With Carina, I spent over an hour pushing wrong. You might be asking, "what do you mean wrong?" I certainly asked the nurse that as I was huffing and puffing on the hospital bed. Given that the baby was in my vagina, I figured I should push with my vaginal muscles. Wouldn't that seem to make sense?

Nope. Wrong. The nurse rather matter-of-factly instructed that I needed to push like I had to take a huge dump. So, I switched gears and and started to push like I was trying to squeeze out the biggest turd of my life and hey, what do you know? I began to make progress.

So, Mommas-to-be out there, push out that poop baby when the time comes. And I promise you that no one cares if you actually drop a deuce in the process, so don't stress about it.


At what age of gestation did your babies arrive? And did anyone else push "wrong"? I can't believe how many other Moms have told me that they did, too.

Pregnant Problems: Exhibit F

I am clearly no stranger to the sniss.

For more birth control (or to commiserate), see my previous pregnant problems ;)

Judge Away: My pregnancy confessions

I'd like to preface many of these confessions with the fact that I know they may be bad, unhealthy, pathetic, TMI, or any combination of the above. But? I just don't care! :P

Since this blog {first and foremost} is my pregnancy journal and baby book, I'd like for my future self to be able to look back and see truth. Even if it's ugly and embarrassing ;)

• Exercise - I haven't exercised since a month before I got pregnant...with Carina. Unless of course you count lifting her up off the table (her new favorite place to climb) over and over again, or chasing/following her around at the playground

• Food - I consider it to be a good day if I only have 2 of the following: ice cream, Nutella, cookies, Funfetti cake, Funfetti cake w/a side of frosting, frosting straight out of the can, french fries, one of these deep fried bad boys, Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza

• Shaving - I'm lucky if I shave my legs once every 2 weeks. I would blame the fact that I can barely reach them, except the frequency with which I've done it wasn't any different back towards the beginning of my pregnancy...

• Sex - I had to verify with Mike that it's been about once a month since we found out I was pregnant and he quickly refuted that, stating with certainty that it has been about 5 times...total. Sorry, babe #wifefail :(

• Cleaning - I've been keeping up with the laundry and the dishes - for the most part - but other than that? I couldn't tell you when I last vacuumed, scrubbed out the tub, or cleaned ANYTHING ELSE in this entire place. Last week Carina picked up a dust bunny and said "eww gross!" ::shakes head at self::

• Wine - I've had a small glass of wine here and there throughout this pregnancy. I never ever did with Carina. I blame my Mother-in-law; she's always pushing it at me ;)

• Bare belleh pics - I know they creep a lot of people out, but I love them. I see my {clothed} bump all the time, but bare? Only for a few minutes a day while showering and changing. I like to think that someday I'll want to look back and remember what the circus freak hugeness looked like when it wasn't covered up. So here's a couple more - enjoy. Taken at 36 weeks.

Ah-ha! The linea nigra has returned!

Now you! Can you confess to any of the above as well? Or something else as equally awful while pregnant? ;)

Thank goodness for amnesia! Or, why anyone ever gets pregnant again

Maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. I'm talking about the amnesia that seems to settle in just a few months after squirting your baby out of your hoo-ha. You tend to block out the circus freak hugeness of the very end of pregnancy {and all the joy that comes with it}, the pain and carnage associated with the birthing of your baby, and then the sad, flappy, and damaged body with which you are left. Otherwise? Would anyone EVER get pregnant again?

Let's relive it all together, shall we? ;)

The last few {miserably uncomfortable} weeks of pregnancy

Things I had forgotten about until now:

• Insomnia
• Sciatica
• Swelling - hello cankles!
• How I couldn't even walk up the stairs without getting winded
• General incontinence - make me laugh and I'll cut you 
• The "WTF is that??" moments I had when I wiped down below on occasion
• How monstrously huge I was

38 weeks with Carina...she came 3 days later

During labor

The labor pains, once so horrifying and severe that you literally thought something would explode out of your ass, somehow end up subsiding into a distant memory. The contractions, back labor, discomfort of the continuous blood pressure monitoring, {insert whatever you personally experienced here}, were all virtually erased from your consciousness as your baby was placed into your arms for the first time.

The Aftermath

Until I re-read Carina's birth story last week it was almost as if the post-labor uterine massages (EFF EFF EFF OWWWW), the urethral stitches, and the subsequent weeks of bleeding had never happened. I think it was a month before I could brave the bathroom sans peri-bottle, Dermoplast, and Tucks. When my milk came in 3 or so days after she was born I felt like I got hit by a truck and convinced myself that I must have a uterine infection. NOPE. Just the milk. (Side note: seriously, why doesn't anyone tell you that feeling like that when your milk comes in is normal?!?) At two days post-partum I was carrying around what I affectionately referred to at the time as the "saggy bag of jello". Despite all this and how hard it was to endure, we found ourselves trying to get pregnant again before Carina was even 9 Months Old! MUST be amnesia.

2 days post-partum: this is NOT a good look for me

Ohhh my 1st time Mommy friends out there - I'm not trying to scare you, promise. You can and WILL do it, and you'll probably end up with amnesia, too, because it's likely you'll find yourself pregnant with another at some point in the future. The {sometimes scary} memories will fade, the pain will go away, and you'll be left with your precious little baby.

I just wanted to reminisce since this is all knocking at my door...once again. But you know what? After a momentary freak out which involved a minute or so of sobbing and mourning what is to become of my belly and lady parts, my attitude changed: BRING IT. I can't wait to meet this baby.


What other unpleasantries have you "forgotten" when it comes to the end of your pregnancy, labor, and afterwards?

Pregnant Problems: Exhibit B

This one? I wish I was joking.

Feel free to laugh at me even more: past pregnant problems

Pregnant Problems: Exhibit A

With only 5 or so weeks to go until my due date I'll be bringing you some of the glamorous joys of later pregnancy...

P.S. I know that in my post about finding balance earlier this week I said I wouldn't post on weekends anymore. Well, I've already failed. But I promise it only took 5 minutes ;)

Sense of dignity? Gone (TMI)

*Gross pregnancy alert; can't say I didn't warn you*

It was an otherwise lovely day at the Renaissance Faire a couple weeks ago, that is...until I sneezed.

I knew it wasn't going to be good. For a split second I lost control of those rather important muscles responsible for holding it in. I panicked, as I felt a little trickle of pee start traveling down my leg. I cursed myself for wearing a dress, and then made haste for the bathroom. Fortunately, it was only about 100 yards away.

Mike couldn't stop laughing at me as he just stared in utter disbelief that not only did I piss myself, but it was dripping and you could actually see it, clear as day. Remind me to never go out in public again?

~~~~~

It was an otherwise hilarious evening playing a board game with Mike's family last weekend, that is...until I laughed uncontrollably.

It just...wouldn't...stop. I'm pretty sure I peed through both my underwear and skirt. I'm hoping the couch was spared, but in all honesty I couldn't bring myself to investigate.

And I didn't tell anyone, including Mike. But oh, he'll know now! Sorry, babe.


Oh the joys of pregnancy. Methinks that Momma needs to work on her kegels...

Seriously, Mommy?

This is definitely one of those blog posts where I proofread and ask myself why on earth did I just share that with the internet? At least it will be nice to return to someday and laugh at myself, heartily.

SPILL IT. Who else is no stranger to the sniss?

Due date update & 17 weeks!

We found out at our early dating ultrasound that deuce was measuring 2 days ahead of my estimated due date of September 25th, as determined by my charting. If you aren't familiar with charting, it's awesome. Had I not been charting during my first post-partum cycle, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant! I would have been sitting back on cycle day 27 waiting to take a pregnancy test, instead of...well...you know ;)  In the same vein, my doctor would {mistakenly} think I am 2 weeks further along in this pregnancy than I actually am. Eeek!

Anyway, since my doctor will be going by the September 23rd due date, I'm going to start using it as well. So, that means I'll get to take my weekly update pictures on Sunday nights and post on Monday instead of taking them on Tuesday nights, and posting on Wednesday.

No more bare belleh photos. It looked a little freakish tonight.

How far along? 17 weeks

Weight gain/loss: 120 lbs. Up 2 lbs. so far.

Feeling: I'm STILL sick, and it's pretty miserable. I think it's because I'm not taking good enough care of myself (eating enough, getting enough sleep, etc.) Time to make myself a priority this week.

Maternity clothes? Anyone have any good recommendations for maternity PJs? My cute flannel sets from Victoria's Secret are getting a little tight in the waist.

Sleep: Carina is still waking about once a night due to her also being sick, and some killer teething. I've been trying to get to bed earlier to get some extra sleep, but it's not going so well.

Food cravings: Krispy Kreme donuts. I was sad to learn that there aren't any around here :(

Movement? I mostly feel deuce in the early mornings while I sit on the couch and drink my coffee.

What I miss? Beer. M had a few while watching the Flyers games this weekend and it made me jealous.

Best moment this week: Getting my smartphone back! More to come on this - and some consumer tips - later this week.

What I'm looking forward to: It's supposed to be super nice out this week. Hoping to make it to the park for some playdates!

Next Appointment: April 20th.

Milestones: Baby's fingers and toenails are beginning to grow this week!

I think that 17 weeks last time was when I really thought you could tell that was pregnant (as opposed to chubby). Still trying to figure out when that happened this time around.

Let's talk boobs (maybe TMI?)

A couple weeks ago I couldn't help but hysterically laugh at a post I wrote about my first semblance of boob growth when I was pregnant with Carina. It seemed as if everyone else who was pregnant at the same time experienced veritable bosom explosions before their pee sticks were even dry. One friend couldn't believe her B cup turned into a D cup practically overnight! But there I sat, all throughout my 1st Trimester and almost all of my 2nd with my sad little boobies. Even what I thought was growth back then didn't really amount to anything.

From that tragic day during my adolescence when I realized that yep, they were done growing, I dreamed that pregnancy would at least bring me some temporarily enhanced tatas. No dice. My first pregnancy drew to a close and it was pretty much business as usual. Even as I started breastfeeding Carina, they were only any bigger when engorged. And I certainly wasn't going to let them get to that {painful} point, throw on a cleavage baring halter and go admire myself in the mirror.

That's right - I posted a pic of my cleavage. Wanna fight about it?

Why am I sharing this? Because I actually get asked a lot! People want to know when your boobs grew during pregnancy and by how much. They want to know how monstrous ::sob:: they were when your milk came in and first started breastfeeding. Lastly, they want to know if the lady lumps are entirely trashed after feeding a baby for 15 months.

In short, they never really grew. They got fuller, sure, but new bras were never necessary. Even at my most engorged my not-very-supportive nursing tanks did just fine. After 9 months of pregnancy, 15 months of breastfeeding, {and almost 4 months of this pregnancy}, they are just about the same size as they were before I ever got pregnant. Maybe a tiny bit smaller. I wouldn't consider them droopy, saggy, or trashed, though. They are pretty much the same ol' boobs. The plus side about no growth? No stretchmarks ;)

Sadly, they're starting to hurt a lot now when Carina nurses. Weaning might be in sight at this point...


Tell me about yours! Did they grow? A lot? Let me commiserate with you or live vicariously through your ginormous bazongas.



P.S. Until just this week, I hadn't worn a bra since before Carina was born! I've lived in nursing tanks all day every day for the last 15 months. Breaking my bras out of storage truly felt like saying hello to old friends.

Flashback: Did my cat break my water?

Someone recently asked me what caused the slow amniotic fluid leak that led to an induction at the end of my pregnancy with Carina. Truth is: other than just random occurrence, the only other thing I can think of would be the time my cat fell from our 12+ foot loft railing and landed on my stomach.

I went back through old blog posts trying to find the one I wrote about this semi-traumatic event so I could see what date it actually happened, but as it turns out, I never blogged about it. So I will now because I don't want to let it get lost in time...

I *think* it was less than two weeks prior to Carina's birthday. I was sitting on our couch, in the corner directly below the railing in our loft apartment. All of a sudden, BOOM. My 11 lb. cat who is usually quite agile awkwardly landed on my very pregnant belly. She had fallen about 12 feet. She bolted into the other room and I chased after her, wanting to make sure she was okay. Then I cleared my head and realized that I should probably make sure that I was okay, too.

I freaked out. I didn't remember much from physics class but I did know that a not-so-skinny kitty + a 12 foot free fall = sizable force on poor little still-baking Carina. I called my OB and he assured me that so long as I wasn't cramping or experiencing any spotting, all was likely fine and that I should just try to relax. So I did.

A few days later I noticed what I thought was an increase in discharge. But of course when I finally went to the hospital to get checked out on December 27th (as it had progressively gotten worse), the amniotic fluid swab turned positive before I could finish saying "I'm sure it's nothing." I was induced, and Carina was born 18 hours later.

Did kitty want to meet Carina?

Could the force of kitty landing on Carina have caused the slow leak? Who knows. But it's interesting to think that maybe Layla (the kitty) was impatient and just wanted to meet the baby already.

Has anyone else ever had a slow leak?

Because I have never shied away from an overshare...

I am happy to report that my cycle returned on Thursday.

Let operation make Carina a big sister commence!

Want to see something scary?

Can you figure out what this is?

It's my saggy, cavernous belly button.  It is just a shadow of its former self. It used to be so tiny and cute; I loved it. Now you can barely even see the "button" part.  I warned you it was scary, hahaha.

On the plus side, my linea nigra is starting to slough off.  It was dark dark brown right after giving birth and I am so happy to see it fading.

When I posted about my 6 week post partum visit I forgot to include a picture.  So here it is, my 6 week post partum belly:

It's still super jiggly and I laugh every time I look at it.  Hopefully my poor distended ab muscles will start to tighten soon :)

More butt issues :(

For the last few days I've been experiencing what I would mostly call pressure and discomfort, but also a little bit of pain in my rectum. It comes and goes, and hasn't been severe enough (in my opinion) to call my doctor, but it kind of sucks.

Any idea what this could be? Is baby dropping? Am I constipated? Could it be (I don't want to say it)...the dreaded "H" word?

Yuck. Pregnancy is oh so glamorous :)

Butt cheek issues

Sciatica sucks. Especially in your butt cheek.

I've had it on and off throughout pregnancy, but it really hasn't been that bad until now. I can't sit, walk, or even lie down without it hurting.

I've become that weirdo who grabs and massages their butt cheek while they walk to make the pain bearable. It's okay, you can laugh. I'd laugh at me, too :)