My princess problem

Sure, my girls love princesses. But I'm an enabler of the worst kind. If it's Disney and it wears a dress, they probably have its manifestation in doll form in not 1, not 2, but 3 sizes. And pajamas….books…and games. And 9 times out of 10, they didn't even ask for it. I can't help it. I think I love having these princess things around more than they do. As evidenced by the Disney princess calendar hanging in our bedroom.

There's princess bedlam in our house:

Clockwise from top left: 1. princess toddler dolls fill our shopping cart. Carina pretends they are pirates and they sail in the shopping cart pirate ship. 2. "squishy" princess dolls on Carina's bed. They are not all hers, she plundered a few from Aurelia's crib. This is a nightly occurrence. 3. princess orgy in the garage of their dollhouse. There are usually more naked ones than there are today. 4. princess figurines. I think we have close to 30 of them. Yikes.

I was mostly a tomboy growing up and couldn't be bothered with anything even remotely girly, so I'm not sure where this obsession has come from. As a matter of fact I much preferred animals (The Lion King was my favorite movie) to dolls and at any given moment until I was probably 12 15 you could find stuffed animals strewn about my bedroom.

And then I birthed girls. Maybe I'm living vicariously through them since I essentially ignored Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine when I was a little girl. No surprise -- I preferred Flounder & Sebastian, Lumiere (he's the shit, no?) and Abu & Rajah. After I saw Tangled for the first time I put the soundtrack on loop every day (even further confession: I LOVE Mandy Moore). Little baby Carina loved to dance to the songs.

Our trip to Disney in December only served to fuel the fire. We had dinner with the princesses at Norway in Epcot and I think we met and photographed the girls with each and every princess we could find.

Okay, not quite princesses - but hilarious nonetheless

And don't tell Mike, but I'm already looking into planning a return trip, hopefully right before Christmas 2015. Maybe? (Pretty please, Mike?)

Then we saw Frozen. I've been completely sucked in, and so have the girls. The fact that the story is about two sisters helps me justify watching it over and over again and thank goodness the merchandise is sold out everywhere or else I'm sure we'd have too much of it. I must have ALL THE PRINCESS THINGS.

They can thank the "Easter bunny" for our latest acquisitions:

Merida & Cinderella dress-up dresses

Sofia the First & Tinkerbell hair clips

::sigh:: I {clearly} need a princess intervention.

BUT HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS?

So guilty of 2nd child syndrome

With Carina, I was *almost* perfect. Each of her milestones celebrated in great detail with pictures (and often videos) adorn the pages of this blog. Her monthly posts include sections about her size, favorite toys, and pictures with seasonal clip art proudly displaying how many months old she is. Multiple professional photos of her smiling face hang on the walls of our home.

Poor Aurelia is getting the shaft. I managed to squeak through her first 6 monthly posts before succumbing to what I {rather unaffectionately} refer to as my full-time-working-Mommy-brain. I mean to do these things, and I want to do them, but I just never get around to it. It's a combination of forgetting and not having the time, and quite possibly probably a dash of laziness. I have remembered to take some of the photos (like below -- from three months ago, ha!) but her 7 Month post never happened. And now I'd feel silly doing one since she's 10 Months, but these are too cute to not at least share.

The 8, 9, and 10 Month stickers sit unused in my camera bag and every time I see them I feel a pang of guilt. Is it too late to just slap them all on her right now and take a few pictures?

You've come so far since your 6 Month post.  Tooth #7 is coming in (Carina only had two at this age!) and you can say Mama and Dada pretty clearly. You babble constantly; your favorite sound seems to be "heh" and depending upon the inflection it can mean a host of different things from "I'm so happy!" to "OMGSTOPTHATRIGHTNOW!" to "please give me your pancake".

At your 9 Month appointment earlier in July you were 18 lbs. 8 oz. and 28 inches, if Daddy is remembering correctly. You're sharing size 4 diapers with big sis and are mostly in 12-18 Month clothes. Although you are wearing some random 12 Month, 24 Month, and even 2T clothes. We use Carina's and your pajamas interchangeably most of the time. You'll wear it one day, and then {after washing, of course} she'll wear it the next. I'm having visions of fights over clothes during your teenage years ;)

Unlike your sister, you eat anything and everything imaginable. You out-eat Carina at most meals, favoring avocado spread on toast and spaghetti. Much to our delight (and dismay at the same time!) you began crawling just yesterday...and off you went. It's time to baby proof all over again. Our favorite milestones include "SO BIG!" which involves raising your arms high up in the air when we ask how big Aurelia is, and clapping on cue. You get so excited when we ask you to clap.

I'm going to try to get better about this, love. I want there to be as many pictures and videos of you in existence and I want you to feel that we celebrated your milestones and accomplishments as much as we did your sister's. We love you so much and have the best of intentions.

Extrication

Oh my.

::dusts off cobwebs::

It's been a while.

My computer died about two weeks ago, and then something funny happened - or didn't happen. I never felt any sense of urgency to go buy a new one. Had my computer given up on life 6 Months ago, I would have run out immediately to pick up a replacement because I couldn't have lived without a big screen and a keyboard at my fingertips.

Now, many a night I am too tired from work, playing with the girls, and cleaning up the house that I don't even get a chance to turn on my computer. So the fact that I didn't have one for a couple weeks was no big deal. Until I realized I forgot to pay some of our bills...oops.

Finally, yesterday, I joined the dark side. After almost 18 years using only PCs, I now have a Mac. My brand new MacBook Pro is perched on my lap and it's the perfect size and the track pad is awesome (I haven't even needed to attach my mouse yet!) and the mail program lets me see my 3 different e-mail accounts in one window. I'm in love ::humps computer::

But can we talk a little more about the fact that my computer hiatus made me realize how addicted to the internet I used to be? I tried to break myself from it once and to be truthful, I didn't have much luck. I was dependent upon social media for a long time, more so than I want to admit to myself. I checked my blog stats multiple times a day, stressing if they were lower than average. I took to Twitter for conversations rather than talking with my husband, who was sitting right next to me on the couch. I followed Carina around with my phone, getting frustrated when I couldn't snap the perfect photo of her to post on Instagram.

Yikes.

This became too big of a part of my life. I didn't like the Mom, wife, or me it had turned me into.

So I've made a conscious effort to limit computer time and as evidenced by the 2 week break, I'm succeeding. I don't intend to abandon this blog as I still love to write and very much want to continue to do it, I've just managed to extricate myself from the pressure I was feeling to post/tweet/update multiple times a day. I haven't checked my stats in weeks. I'm lucky if I make it on Twitter or Instagram once every few days.

And we're all better off...

Back to basics & the truth about my lackadaisical blogging

I haven't yet been extended beyond my contract's current end date - September 27th. According to everyone on my team, they are lobbying for me to stay but apparently it's up to leadership and what the budget allows. My boss has been encouraging me to work as much as possible and since I'm hourly, I have obliged. 

The truth is...after living on such a tight budget for so long and knowing that the end of this infusion of money is in sight, I feel like a hoarder. I'm working as many hours as I can before it runs out. After the girls go to sleep, I open up the computer and work for an hour or two. When they're napping on the weekend, I work.

I'm tired. I want to blog, or relax, or clean (ha who am I kidding...I don't want to clean, but I need to) but I end up working instead. I think part of this anxiety driven because I can't entirely pinpoint what's making me feel this compulsion...

So yeah, I think it's pretty obvious I haven't been blogging much :)  I miss it and I'm having Twitter & Facebook withdrawal. I'm not able to get on during the workday and then since I've been absent, it seems overwhelming once I get home because I've missed so much. Working Moms who blog and spend time on Social Media, how do you manage this?

Another thing contributing to my anxiety is the business side of blogging. I'm getting rid of most of my ads leaving only a handful of small ones, and then the rest will be swaps. I love doing {free} swaps with you and welcome blogs of any size and type. Okay maybe not any type...those who detail their Karma Sutra exploits in graphic detail need not apply. Really, those blogs exist. I'm not even sure why I know that...

But I digress. I'm also still not taking on any further sponsored posts, but I have a few that I promised months ago (sorry!) that I haven't yet finished. So please bear with me while I get them done. I am so thankful for the opportunities that this blog has given me but it's time to focus on the girls and my {continued} progress on the anxiety front.

I'm looking forward to getting back to basics.

Living for the weekends

Since beginning work, I've realized that I took advantage of my days at home. Partly due to the agoraphobia I'm sure, but also? I confess...I was lazy.

Days upon days to do anything and everything spread out before me, with no end in sight. There was no sense of urgency to make sure we did something fun each day. To hoard all the snuggles I could. To experience enough giggles and "Mommy I love you!"s and milk drunk boob-hugging naps.

I know I still get these things, but they're just in small doses until the weekend comes. I feel like I'm living for them now.

Last weekend:











Until the next one...

I never thought I'd see the day

When I was a teenager, I thanked my lucky stars that my parents didn't have a Minivan. I was never forced to drive up to the Mall in shame, hiding down below the steering wheel of a soccer Mom mobile, praying that no one I knew would see me. I felt sorry for my high school boyfriend whose only choice was to take his parents' Dodge Caravan around to his sports games, friends' houses, and even to pick me up for dates -- or stay home.

I vowed to never EVER EVER drive a Minivan. No way, no how.

Now, after:

• multiple trips to visit family where we've left stuff behind because we couldn't fit it in our station wagon
• having to lean over the car seat and dangle a boob to satisfy a hungry screaming baby
• resorting to changing a stinky diaper in the passenger seat while the baby {on the changing pad} slowly slipped down the leather seat
• our decision to have more babies

...I CANNOT WAIT TO GET A MINIVAN.

Oh how I want to roll around in the backseat and inhale the new car smell. I'm currently salivating over how much space we would have.

We've been researching them and are contemplating trading in our current car for one before baby #3 arrives (whenever that may be). Or, we might need one sooner...as it looks like I might have a job interview in the works (umm...eek?!) I'll keep you posted.

So...Minivan Moms unite! Who has one? What kind, and do you love it?

Peeking at Daddydoo's Diary

Hey folks,  Mike here with a new post.  Missie wrote about a few confessions of hers, reflecting on her parenting skills (which are amazing if I say so myself).  Here is my crack at it:

1) Carina takes Disney princess gummy "vimamins" every morning...

...and so do I.  My vitamins taste the way cat barf smells.  The Disney princess gummies taste like gummy bears and have all the same stuff.  Win.

2) Every parent out there probably knows a few cartoon theme songs/songs from kids movies.  In our case, the songs from Super Why were first.  Lately, it's been the theme to Sofia the First, and (thanks to Pandora and a CD my mother gave us) a princess song from The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Princess and the Frog, Aladdin, Tangled, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or...  yeah one of those.  Here's the confession part.  I'm not complaining about it - I rock out to A Whole New World, and will probably tear up when, at the start of an episode of Sofia, I don't hear a little voice say "Daddydoo gotta sing it, singa Princess Sofia!!"  Notes are too high for a guy who sang baritone in high school and college you say?  My falsetto pwns yours.

3) I am terrified of Aurelia headbutting me and will be so happy once the occasional baby head flops are gone (the loss of other baby phases is sad, but not this one). Why am I afraid?  Because Carina headbutted me when I was a new dad, and her forehead hit my chin.  I left a tiny dent in the skin on her head.  It was barely noticeable, but I sure as hell could see it.  I think it's gone now, but for months, I was reminded that yes, I dented my kid's head.  When we fight during her teenage years, maybe this will come in useful, but until then, I'll still look apprehensively when the light hits her little forehead to make sure the evidence is gone.

4)   I'm afraid that because of the hours I work, Carina and Aurelia are used to me not being there.  As it is, they both giggle when I walk in at the end of the day.  Sometimes Aurelia reaches out to me when she's cuddled up to Missie in our bed.  But on Saturdays or Sundays when I run into lab, Carina runs after me and says, almost exasperated "Carina go to work with Daddydoo, go see Dinosaurs" or Aurelia lets out a whimper or fuss as I give her back to Missie when I leave.  I walk out the door and tear up as I turn the key, and I hope my little ladies will understand that I'm putting in the time to give them opportunities and good life down the road.

5) I want my girls to be better than me.  I have high standards for my own behavior and interactions with other people, and to be honest I don't always live up to them - those moments really stick with me and I try to learn from them but mostly I just feel badly, which isn't helpful to anyone.  I hope my girls get it right way more than I do because, and this applies to many situations in parenting and my career in academia/education as well, I'm not sure how to teach and discipline certain things when I know I struggle with them too.   It's pretty scary and I hope my little ladies one-up their Daddydoo in this one.

Well folks, that's what I've got. Parenting is what I call a "full-life" experience - we run the full gamut of emotions, from being happy and celebratory, to being just a little embarrassed sometimes, to feeling proud, having regrets, being afraid, and being fearless because we have to be.  These early years and I think probably every year to come are what remind us of the range of who we are as people.  I love every minute of it, even the hard stuff.

<center> <a href="http://www.growingupgeeky.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1176.photobucket.com/albums/x324/mchupie/Growing_up_Geeky/tatbutton150.png" /></a></center>
This week's Toddle Along Tuesday topic is Dad Confessions! If you can't convince your man to actually write the post, ask him what some of his confessions would be and transcribe! Or? I bet you have a few things you could write about on his behalf, without him even knowing about it ;) There are no rules here, except that you link up a relevant post (old or new) rather than your whole blog.


Next week's topic will be A Day in the Life! It's been exactly one year since we've done this topic, I thought it would be fun to revisit it.

So I might have gone a little overboard...

This year is the first year we're putting some effort into Easter baskets for the girls. And? I think I may have gone a little overboard.

We had an Easter egg hunt at my parents' last year but neglected to do a basket (I think; I honestly can't remember), and when Carina was teeny we did a small basket with chocolate {that I ate}.

In my crazy excitement {and wanting to do something fun after spending all weekend laid out with Mastitis} I set up the baskets just a bit way too early and whoa, I didn't realize just how many Disney Princess things I got for them. We'll pick up a couple rosaries and maybe some M&M's for Carina before we head down to Philly to be with Mike's family for Easter.

Easter baskets!

Aurelia's basket (below): Nala footie pajamas, little stuffed duckie/chickie?, Jasmine doll, teether, and princess tote bag (behind everything).

For Aurelia

And Carina's basket: Jasmine nightgown, little stuffed bunny, Merida doll, Fancy Nancy book, and Sofia the First tote bag (behind everything).

For Carina

Okay, yeah. I went overboard. Since neither of the girls has on occasion for which we'll buy them gifts for at least another 6 Months (Aurelia's birthday), I guess I'm using this as an excuse to spoil them with a few presents.

And for us? Well, we don't give ourselves Easter baskets but we do usually get a special treat or two to enjoy. Lately, I've been craving chocolate so I was quite excited to receive the Mrs. Fields® Nibblers® & Bites Basket from Berries.com.

Nibblers® & Bites Basket

The Nibblers and Brownie Bites were amazing -- the Butterscotch Blondie was my favorite. They were almost addicting. We had planned to save them for Easter, but they were gone in just a couple days. Oops. So yeah, we ate all this: 72 Assorted Nibblers® Bite Sized Cookies including Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chip, Cinnamon Sugar, and White Chocolate Macadamia Nuts & 36 Assorted Brownie Bites.

I also love the wicker basket they all came in...you might recognize it as Aurelia's Easter basket above. But to be honest, I was a little disappointed. While there were as many Nibblers and Bites as stated in the product description, the presentation was a bit lacking. It wasn't nearly as impressive as the photo at right. Also, I wish there had been more of both sweets. Maybe then they would have made it to Easter ;)  Maybe.


Do you do Easter baskets for your kids? If so, what do you put in them?

Agoraphobia is as scary as it sounds

An extremely unwelcome visitor that accompanied my post-partum anxiety was a mild case of agoraphobia. I'm not sure if it was a side effect or a symptom, but either way, it was all too real and incapacitating. The psychiatrist I saw back in January encouraged me to try to overcome it as soon as I started feeling better.

For those who aren't familiar, agoraphobia (according to Merriam-Webster) is an abnormal fear of being helpless in an embarrassing or unescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places. Basically, for months, I've been afraid to leave the house. What was I scared of? I'm not even sure that I can delineate it. Maybe that I would encounter a situation that I wouldn't be able to handle (like a Carina tantrum coupled with a baby poopsplosion) and that I'd have an anxiety attack in public.

There have been times when I've realized that I haven't been outside (further than our front porch to get the mail) in a week. At one point, it reached 2 weeks. This was -- and still is -- horribly embarrassing for me, even though I know it stems from anxiety. I haven't always been this way.

I've avoided talking about it until now because I wanted to wait until I had conquered it. And today, I realized I have.

Previously, I would use any excuse not to go out:
Carina has the sniffles? Have to stay home.
It's raining. Meh...grocery shopping can wait.
Want to go for a walk, Carina? "NO!" Okay, nevermind.

This weekend, Mike wanted to go to New Haven's annual St. Patrick's Day Parade. I guess it's kind of a big deal, so I begrudgingly packed up my brand new diaper bag (eee!) and we headed out.

Double stroller time!

Walking by the Yale Library on our way to the parade

Up close

Waiting for the parade to start

Oh hai, Governor Malloy!

Adorable little boy in a kilt

Me. Happy.

I'm so glad we went; we had such an amazing time. Luck would have it that the girls would both fall asleep just minutes before we got back to the car...resulting in awesome 10 minute naps.

And then today, I asked Carina if she wanted to go for a walk. "NO!" She was quite adamant. But I wanted to go out. I needed to get out of the house. A small tantrum ensued as I put on her shoes {MOMMY TAKE THEM OFFFF} but once we got to Dunkin Donuts and I handed her one with green frosting and sprinkles, she was in heaven.

And I was, too. This week I was happy to be outside the comforting {yet confining} walls of home for the first couple instances in a long time.