Acccck...that's all I got

I'm getting a breather for the first time in almost 2 weeks tonight.

First I was prepping for my Go-Live night-shifts, then 6 out of the next 7 nights I spent at the hospital, and last I was recovering and spending the weekend with my in-laws celebrating Mike's 30th birthday and saying goodbye to my brother-in-law, who just deployed to Afghanistan.

I was all set to come on here and tell you how great everything was going and how excited I was to have a whole week off from work before returning part-time next Monday...

...except that I got a call from my boss an hour ago letting me know that leadership changed their minds. The night shift last Thursday was it. Since at that time I had already signed a contract to continue on part-time, I didn't tie up any loose ends or finish my outstanding projects. So I leave my work in various states of disarray for my team to sift through and attempt to figure out in my wake.

It would have been fine if I had finished up last Thursday as originally planned. But to tell me I'm extended and then change your mind a week and a half later? We had already asked our Nanny to continue on with us.

I just can't even...

I loved this job and will miss it. Well, more time to blog, I guess? ;) ;)

Now please excuse me while I go eat half a bag of chocolate chips and have more wine. NEED more wine.

Pregnancy; you're drunk

Let me preface this by stating that I am not currently pregnant. I knew you'd ask, so better to put it all out there.

This post isn't about the strange and unfortunate ailments with which you are afflicted during pregnancy. Nor did I write it to lament the pain of labor or the miseries of that post-partum hot mess phase.

No. I want to discuss the freakish and frustrating side effects of pregnancy that we still have to deal with even as we approach the one year anniversary of its conclusion.

If you have been lucky enough to not experience any of the below? Then you won the pregnancy lottery and I don't want to hear about it ;)

1. Unceasing hair loss

Just when you think it isn't possible to lose any more hair, you find gobs of it surrounding the shower drain or on your hairbrush. Or even worse...sticking out of the baby's diaper (how on earth did it get in there?!?) and in between her toes. When will it ever end? Oh that's right; last time it finally ended when I got pregnant again. The cycle begins again.

2. Weird new hair growth

THIS JOKE ISN'T FUNNY. I'm losing my hair, yet at the same time I'm finding new little tufts spring up in unwanted places. All along my hairline I have wispy curlycues popping up on a daily basis. They seem immune to hair spray and escape even the most secure clips. I haven't straightened my hair in a while because when I do they stick straight out. Should I cut them? CRUEL AND UNUSUAL, human body.

One of the random sprouts. And whoa, my forehead is wrinkly.

3. Linea nigra freakshow

The mystical little brown line that showed up early on while I was pregnant with Carina did me the favor of not reappearing this time around until a few weeks before Aurelia was born. For a while I thought it wasn't going to grace me with its presence again. Well, since the line was late in showing up it must think it's okay to hang out for a while. Aurelia is almost 11 Months old and that line is STILL there, just as dark as it was on her birthday. Talk about overstaying your welcome.

Curse you, damned dark line. And? My belly button used to be cute. Le sigh.

4. Bladder control

I still can't cough or sneeze without having to clench like the aridity of my pants depends on it. I get it, when you're pregnant you have something the size of a watermelon putting pressure on your bladder, and all goes awry. But when you shoot out that basketball and things return to normal, why can I not laugh heartily without wetting myself 11 Months later? And this gets worse after each kid, in my experience. Moms of 4+, can you even more without an errant squirt?

I know there's more, but of course I'm forgetting because that absent-minded pregnancy brain that we're plagued with eventually turns into Mommy brain, which is even worse. Lately I've been lucky if I remember to shower more than three times a week... #yuck

Seriously?!? and dollar aisle fail

My computer and I have had a rough relationship. Early on Carina spilled coffee on it and the keyboard died. Shortly before Aurelia was born it crapped out and I could only use it in safe mode for a few weeks. Now? It won't even turn on. I just can't believe my luck.

I'm trying to decide whether to invest in a MacBook, buy another cheap (~$400) laptop, or try an iPad. Thoughts or recommendations?

Okay, on to what I wanted to talk about tonight. I love the Target dollar aisle; treasures and surprises await us all there. I thought I hit the jackpot a couple months ago when I spotted a series of (bilingual!) Disney Princess books for only $1 each. I grabbed Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, and Ariel and squeeeeed in anticipation of how excited Carina was going to be to "read" them. I gave her the Ariel book first.

This is the most obnoxious book I've ever read. I wish I had opted to read it before I ran out of Target patting myself on the back for making such a great purchase. Carina loves it, though, so Mike and I have started to trick each other into having to read it. 

"Carina! Don't you want to read Ariel's Baby Beau? I bet Daddy would love to read it to you! Why don't you take it to him?" ::chuckle chuckle smirk:: Carina trucks off to Mike with book in hand and I see him flash me a death glare. Mission accomplished.

My main problem with this book is the made up words. My toddler doesn't need to be exposed to "Fantabulicious!" And it doesn't even make any sense in the context of the book. UGH. CHILDREN'S BOOK AUTHORS PLEASE DON'T EXTEND THE SHELF LIFE OF STUPID NOT-REAL WORDS.

So Mike and I don't read that last part of the page and roll our eyes every time we skip over it.

The only redeeming aspect of the book is the page below. Carina loves it when I read it in a grumbly voice.

Random post today, folks. I blame the husband's latest homebrew (which is 7% alcohol) and the fact that I didn't eat much at all today ;)

Anyone else have a children's book you can't stand that your kid loves? Or do you share my hatred of dumb made-up words?

Treading water

I was beginning to feel like we were finally adjusting to our new routine, and then the night shifts were upon us. After 5 12 hour night shifts in a row (and 4 more before that, and still 2 more to go), I am barely functioning. Watch out as exhausted ZOMBIEMOM takes a sleepy faceplant into her pizza! Yeah that almost happened tonight.

I don't know what day it is, our house is a dump, Aurelia is on a nursing strike and refuses to nap. Carina constantly laments, "Mommy has to go to work!" "Mommy working!" and even rides her little car and announces that she, too, is going to work. Neither of the girls understands why I'm in bed sleeping most of the day rather than playing with them. And we just realized we're out of food so poor Mike has to stop to pick some up on the way home from lab, now, at 10:30 PM.

This is the first time I've opened my personal computer since last Thursday. I feel so behind on everything...e-mail, cleaning, laundry, blogging; I hope I'm not forgetting to pay our bills.

But, we're holding it all together. Mike has been awesome, our Nanny is a rock star, and with a little help from Peapod and the local Pizza place, we haven't lost our minds yet. Come Friday morning, I'll be able to come back to the land of the living. I will have weekends to myself again, and then normal working hours resume on Monday. Now excuse me while I fall asleep at my computer...

"Mommy's home!"

Mastitis

Oh hello, blog. No new post in 4 days? That might be a record for me.

I'm still alive.

On Friday and yesterday, I was alive, but barely. After 24 months of nursing, I came down with Mastitis for the first time. I felt like I got hit by a truck. I don't remember the last time I've been so sick.

It came on quickly. Late Friday morning I thought it was a plugged duct (I had one when Carina was 6 weeks old) but just a couple hours later I started having chills and an awful headache. I took my temperature: 99.3. No biggie. But a half hour later it was 99.6. Another half hour later? 100.1. At this point I could barely function so I asked Mike to pretty please come home early.

He called the doctor for me and described my symptoms. The doc diagnosed me {over the phone} with Mastitis and called in a prescription for antibiotics. I'm so glad they didn't make me go in as I'm not sure I would have been able to get off the couch.

Our pharmacy was closing in 15 minutes so Mike scooped up Carina and ran out to the car yelling, "it's an adventure!" He drove swiftly {but safely} and arrived just one minute before the pharmacy closed. He told Carina that they saved the day and when they returned she ran inside with the bag containing my meds, brought them to me, and exclaimed, "Carina saved the day!"

Yesterday, I still felt like hell. My boob killed, terrible headache, chills, dizziness, achy....WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME MASTITIS WAS THIS BAD? Completely debilitating.

If you follow me on Instagram you might have seen this gem...

Who doesn't want a diaper in their bra?

After 36 hours of antibiotics, lots of Tylenol, tea, hot chocolate, and a handful of disposable diapers filled with hot hot water pushed up against my left boob, I'm finally feeling better. And I have a newfound respect for anyone who has ever had this evil maternal malady.

Boobs, please stay healthy from here on out. I beg of you.

The 10th Circle of Hell

I am fairly certain that had Dante come in contact with modern children's toy packaging, he would have included it as the 10th Circle of Hell in his Inferno.

I dread opening toys we receive as gifts or buy for the girls because the packaging is almost always nothing short of obnoxious. Twist ties, molded plastic, tape, string, and elastics stuck to or woven through cardboard or more plastic. Who on earth comes up with this? I speculate that none of them are parents.

4 Reasons I Hate Toy Packaging:

(Or, why I want to throat punch toy companies)

1. It's frustrating
In addition to purchasing toys to enrich and engage my daughters, I can't lie; I buy them so I can relax for a few minutes while they play. But when I attempt to rip Princess Jasmine away from her cardboard backing only to find 15 different twisty connections securing her in place and there is an impatient toddler screaming, "open it! Open it! Open it!" all the while I begin shaking with anger. And of course Carina only plays with her for a minute and then discards her, opting to throw the empty box around instead. I spent more time freeing Jasmine from her twist tie bondage than Carina did, playing with her.

My sister attempting to free one of my niece's birthday gifts yesterday - she cut her finger just after I took this

2. It can be injurious
Raise your hand if you've ever been hurt by jagged plastic or gotten a cardboard box paper cut. There have been a couple of occasions in which I have sliced my finger, cursed the invention of plastic, and then vowed to never buy another toy again.

3. It can be counter-productive
Carina lost one of her precious Princess figures last week (Rapunzel) and was quite sad. The Disney Store was having a big sale so I bought her a replacement - the Rapunzel set. As I was fumbling with the molded plastic to get the figures out, Rapunzel broke. She was wedged in there so tightly that the sheer force of setting her free snapped her plastic hair. WHY, Disney store, why? All that packaging is supposed to keep things from breaking, right?

I can feel my anxiety level rising from simply the thought of extricating the 7 dwarfs

4. It's wasteful
You don't need to put everything on display anchored by ties or tape or that ridiculous molded plastic (or God-forbid a combination of those...ugh). Our kids will beg us to buy it anyway with just a pretty picture on a box and everything thrown inside. And then we won't need to recuperate or go to anger management classes afterwards. Forget the frivolous 8 or 9th twist tie or double layered plastic; less is more. Do it up, toy companies. Parents everywhere will thank you, and likely buy more toys.


"This complicated packaging is so awesome!" said no one EVER.

Snowed Out

While millions of people throughout New England were stuck in their homes this weekend due to Mother Nature dumping 2-3 feet of the white stuff in a matter of mere hours, we were actually stranded away from home.

We left on Thursday evening to head to Philadelphia for Mike's Grandfather's funeral. We planned on returning home on Sunday morning, but our neighbors informed us that not only was our driveway under a whopping 36 inches of snow, but so was our street. Oh, and? There was a travel ban in place for New Haven anyway.

This morning we received word that both the street and our driveway were plowed. I couldn't find any update on the travel ban but we figured it had probably ended. So we set out for home and luckily had no issues...until we hit our street.

The path for cars was barely wide enough for one car to fit down in a number of places. I felt like we were in a video game -- dodging people walking, snow blowers, and even cars going in the opposite direction headed straight for us all as our car was going up and down, bouncing over mounds of snow.

We let out a collective sigh of relief as we pulled into our driveway. There is A LOT of snow.

Dead center of this pic is a buried car

Our driveway (even after some of the snow had melted)

New Haven and the surrounding areas received the most snow from the storm and the city is still basically shut down. I wish we had had the forethought to pick up some groceries on the way home...

The bright side is, I see some AWESOME fort building in our future, tomorrow!


Did you get snow this weekend?

I think the meds are working or else I would have lost my mind this weekend

Our weekend opened with one of those calls you dread getting: Mike's Grandfather was in surgery, and would not likely survive. We all but packed up to drive down to Philadelphia.

Then Friday evening I was notified by a reader about the creepy photo stealing and Facebook profile impersonating me. Upon viewing the fake profile for the first time my stomach instantly knotted and I thought I was going to lose my dinner all over the computer screen. Seeing my child being portrayed as someone else's elicited wrath within me I didn't know existed. When I saw the page that one of my friends referred to as "a shrine to murdered toddlers" with Carina's photo directly underneath all of the deceased children, I FREAKED. I went from angry to scared to a rather potent -- and if you were here in the room with us -- tangible combination of both.

Saturday morning Carina felt a little warm but I didn't think much of it. Later in the afternoon she became lethargic (which isn't like her at all) so I checked her temperature and was shocked to see 103.5 °F. She was miserable, wouldn't eat or drink, slept terribly, and was up at 3:30 AM Sunday morning and would not go back to sleep. Mike had to work, and the girls staggered their naps so I was awake from that ungodly hour onwards without a chance to nap.

Despite all that, I managed to keep my cool all weekend. There wasn't even a single instance when I felt really anxious. Mad, frustrated, upset, exhausted? Sure. But there was never any sense that I was going to lose it. So I conclude that the medication might be working?

And more good news all around: Mike's Grandfather made it through surgery and is recovering, Carina was feeling 100 times better today, and both the creepy Facebook page that had Carina's photo AND the impersonator profile are gone.

After your encouragement and some thinking I've decided not to be driven off. Instead? I'll be watermarking and will dish out some MOMMYSMASH to creepers.

So here's your obligatory super cute please-vote-for-me-on-Top-Baby-Blogs WATERMARKED photo. Pretty please click it (or the banner below) and me love you lone time. If you remember to vote daily I would love you even longer time ;)

P.S. Many of you asked how I found out about the Facebook creepiness. A reader told me. She heard about it from another blogger who was also impersonated. That blogger received a random comment on her blog telling her that it looked like someone had taken her photos. Just for fun...if you missed it, the admin of the page actually commented on my previous post...enjoy ;)

Not going to ask this time: people are freaking crazy

Top Baby Blogs reset their rankings this morning. Your votes have kept me at #4 over the last few months; thank you so much! Normally I would post a super cute photo of the girls asking for you to please continue voting for me, but I'm not so sure this time.

Why? On Friday night, a reader brought to my attention that there was a "Melissa" on Facebook (update: it's gone) displaying about 50 photos of Carina, myself, and Mike as her own. Her photo albums:

"Life of Me"? Yeah, no. That's me. Not you, crazy weirdo who spends their time trolling blogs and uploading tons of pictures to Facebook to pass them off as their own. Seriously...who does this?

It gets weirder. If you look at this person's friends list, they are all other fake profiles containing stolen bloggers' photos. Here's where Top Baby Blogs comes in; all of the bloggers are or were on the front page of TBB.

And then it becomes CREEPY. There were other pages, too, one of which showed Carina's photo (as well as photos of other TBB bloggers' kids) right underneath a bunch of photos of murdered children. This is what really freaked me out. The page has since been taken down, but all of the fake profiles have been reported multiple times and so far Facebook hasn't done anything about it. One of the other affected bloggers is in the process of figuring out who is doing this. I'm in contact with her and will keep you updated.

Top Baby Blogs has been great for me and my little ol' blog. I have met a number of nice bloggers and it brings me a lot of traffic. But, if being listed on there is going to send crazies my way? No thanks. The hits just aren't important enough to me. What do you think? If you were me, would you remove it?

I know, I know, I've already had a whole slew of people tell me that I should accept that this sort of thing will happen when I put my life out there on the internet. I am well aware. But that doesn't mean I can't take steps to hopefully prevent it from happening again. So, I need to get some things in order...download a watermarking program, and contemplate how much I want to share from here on out. Any other suggestions on how to avoid stolen photos or creepers?

Yuck. The internet can be a messed up place.

Don't think I'm cut out for this...

Growing up I was never certain of the career path I wanted to take. Even now, at 28 I'm still not sure what I want to do for the rest of my life. The only thing I've always known? That I wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom.

Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to admit that after getting my wish for almost a year now, I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not cut out for it.

I was feeling this way back in November, shortly before Mike defended his thesis back in Wisconsin. I thought it was just a situational thing, with Mike's long hours and the seemingly endless packing. I did feel better for a while shortly after the move to Connecticut, but then Carina's failure to thrive issues and the oh-so-welcome pregnancy-induced fatigue began to take much of the joy out of my days. It became {and still is} a constant struggle trying to get her to eat. At this point? I'm so tired I don't have the energy to chase her around with food or get down on the floor and play with her. I feel like a lousy Mommy most of the time.

How all this makes me feel

So...I'm entertaining the idea of returning to work shortly after Aurelia arrives. My non-compete agreement from my old job expires in two months and I've been getting quite a few calls from recruiters. I have even had some promising interview calls. I'm hoping to find something part-time, but there doesn't seem to be much in my field that allows that. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.

I wish I could be happy being at home, and I feel like a failure that I can't :(

I went blonde again, but...

...I was in a hurry and picked the wrong color. UGH. Let's rewind. I was born with very {cute} light blonde hair that became darker and darker as I grew older.

I'm the adorable one on the left ;)

When I was 16, I started dyeing it blonde. That way it remained until I found out I was pregnant with Carina.

Younger, blonder Mama G

I think I waited until right before my baby shower and dyed it one more time. Then? I just let it go. When I posted my 14 week bumpdate a couple months ago I asked for your opinions on whether or not I should leave it be, or go back to blonde. Most of you said that I would make a hot brunette (haha thanks!) but for some reason I just got antsy, wanting to go back to the way it was. Honestly? I just felt prettier when I was blonde.

14 week photo: in desperate need of some hair help

Now on to my mistake. I'm cheap and have always used dye in a box from the drugstore. I know, I know...I've just never been able to afford getting it done professionally. I thought I remembered which shade I used, but I guess I was wrong, because it didn't come out looking like the light blonde pic above.

At least it's not 3 different colors (like in my bumpdate photo), though, right? I think I'll give it 4-6 weeks and then go for the lighter color. So for now, consider it a work in progress ;)

Or...I guess it's a possibility that I did buy the right color, and my hair is semi-rejecting it. I'm hoping that pregnancy didn't completely change my hair's ability to absorb dye. Has anyone had experience in this area?

Ha, sorry for such a superficial post! I think that even geeks deserve to feel pretty, too ;)

Results

After almost two weeks and multiple nagging calls to the Pediatrician's office, we finally got Carina's blood work results. The doctor had ordered a battery of tests at her 15 month appointment due to her not gaining weight and generally not wanting to eat.

Everything was normal except her CO2 level was low. Coupled with her lack of growth, the doctor suspects something called Renal Tubular Acidosis. It is a condition in which the kidneys fail to properly acidify urine, resulting in an accumulation of acid in the body. It's rare, but very easily treatable, thank goodness.

What's next? More blood work, a urine sample (which apparently involves taping a bag to her lady parts?), and a kidney ultrasound. The thought of putting her through more tests is making me cry, even though I know it's what's best for her, and necessary. If left untreated, it can lead to growth retardation, rickets, bone disease, kidney stones, and/or eventually renal failure.

What? More tests? :(

At this point I'm not sure for what I am hoping. I obviously don't want anything to be wrong with her, but if this is what she has, it explains the feeding problems and stunted growth we have been experiencing for months now. And according to some of the literature I am reading (I know, I know...I shouldn't have Googled), it is very easily treated with Sodium Bicarbonate and half of the cases even go away on their own before children reach Kindergarten. If the tests come back negative, though, then we're back to square one.

::sigh::

Any prayers or positive thoughts would be much appreciated. I just can't stop crying at the thought of my poor little peanut being sick.

I want to freaking punch the scale

It's hard not to feel like a failure when your baby doesn't gain a single ounce or grow even a fraction of an inch in more than 7 weeks. Now, had she been experiencing an upward trend and this was just a fluke, I wouldn't be so upset. But, our little babe hasn't even put on 2 pounds since she was about 7 months old. I can't help but feel like I'm a terrible Mom.

About a month ago I wrote about my frustrations in trying to get her to eat and I appreciate all of your advice. I have tried so many different things with her and I really thought we were making progress. She has outgrown some of her clothes in the last couple weeks so I was sure that she had at least put on a little poundage, but no dice.

On average, I would say that I spend at least half of the time she is awake feeding her or trying to get her to eat. It literally consumes our days and has been consuming me. Seeing that number on the scale yesterday - the same number I saw weeks ago - knocked the wind out of me.

So our next steps are blood work to {hopefully} rule out any metabolic issues and a follow up in 6 weeks. I am supposed to continue to feed her high calorie foods as often as possible and hope for the best in the meantime, I guess. I wish she liked chocolate because it's Cadbury Mini Egg season and I know for a fact that they have been to blame for my seasonal freak weight gain in the past...

First World Problems: I tearfully downgraded my iPhone

I'm not going to go into detail about how frustrated I am with AT&T right now, suffice it to say that after hours on the phone with customer service and in the store, we were finally able to figure out how to combine my line and M's line into one account. We actually had to cancel M's phone number that he has had for the last 15 years, and get him a brand new one on my account (umm...ridiculous?) Anyway, our goal was to save money since things are really tight right now, and we figured it was about time to get him off of his family's plan.

What we didn't realize until after we had already canceled his number that if we kept all of our current services, the family plan was actually going to cost us MORE than it had cost individually. Lovely. So we canceled all of our texting (crazy, right?) and at that point we had just broken even. Meaning, after all the time we spent wasted and M losing his number, we were at the same price per month at which we started.

I spend most of my days at home, and when I'm out with Carina or at the grocery store, I don't really need internet access. So, I decided to "downgrade", and opted for a basic phone. I'll still use my iPhone around the house with our Wifi connection, but when I'm out and about the basic phone will work just fine. This will save us $30 a month, and every little bit helps right now. (Sidenote: I just discovered today that my awesome new phone doesn't even have CALL WAITING: hello stone age).

Bye bye iPhone

I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm sad about it. Even though I can still use the device at home, I'll miss feeling like I can be connected when I'm away. Or? Maybe it's for the best...

Ha, I did ask M if he'd install Twitter on his iPhone though, for when we go out of town ;)

I cannot believe how dumb I am

You would think I would have learned my lesson last August when Carina spilled my mug of coffee on my computer. Luckily, it still worked even after being completely soaked in my morning joe. The keyboard, however, received its death sentence. Not a single key was still working even after spending the night in a box of uncooked rice. So, I've been using an external keyboard attached to my laptop for the last 7 months and while annoying, it has worked out fine. Why haven't I just ordered a replacement? To be honest, it keeps on slipping my mind. Well I guess it's a good thing I didn't order one because today it probably would have died again...

I made myself a nice cup of tea and set it down on the end table next to my computer. Carina was quite distracted playing with her brand new crayons and easel paper a few feet away on the coffee table. I grabbed my camera to take a few pictures of her as she alternated between tapping the blue crayon on the paper and shoving it into her mouth (no worries, crayons are non-toxic). While I was detaching the lens in the dining room I heard the sound of liquid rushing and turned around to see her splashing in my tea. It had just spilled all over my computer, the end table, and was creeping across the floor. I only had my back turned for about 10 seconds. ::shakes head at self::

I still haven't tried to turn it on again yet. I'm scurred. Hold me. And never again will I put any sort of beverage near my computer, no matter how distracted with other things Carina might seem...


Okay who else has had a valuable item fall prey to baby?

Flashback: Did my cat break my water?

Someone recently asked me what caused the slow amniotic fluid leak that led to an induction at the end of my pregnancy with Carina. Truth is: other than just random occurrence, the only other thing I can think of would be the time my cat fell from our 12+ foot loft railing and landed on my stomach.

I went back through old blog posts trying to find the one I wrote about this semi-traumatic event so I could see what date it actually happened, but as it turns out, I never blogged about it. So I will now because I don't want to let it get lost in time...

I *think* it was less than two weeks prior to Carina's birthday. I was sitting on our couch, in the corner directly below the railing in our loft apartment. All of a sudden, BOOM. My 11 lb. cat who is usually quite agile awkwardly landed on my very pregnant belly. She had fallen about 12 feet. She bolted into the other room and I chased after her, wanting to make sure she was okay. Then I cleared my head and realized that I should probably make sure that I was okay, too.

I freaked out. I didn't remember much from physics class but I did know that a not-so-skinny kitty + a 12 foot free fall = sizable force on poor little still-baking Carina. I called my OB and he assured me that so long as I wasn't cramping or experiencing any spotting, all was likely fine and that I should just try to relax. So I did.

A few days later I noticed what I thought was an increase in discharge. But of course when I finally went to the hospital to get checked out on December 27th (as it had progressively gotten worse), the amniotic fluid swab turned positive before I could finish saying "I'm sure it's nothing." I was induced, and Carina was born 18 hours later.

Did kitty want to meet Carina?

Could the force of kitty landing on Carina have caused the slow leak? Who knows. But it's interesting to think that maybe Layla (the kitty) was impatient and just wanted to meet the baby already.

Has anyone else ever had a slow leak?

Who doesn't want to spend their night in Urgent Care?

Yesterday morning I threw up for the first time in both pregnancies. I consider myself pretty lucky to have gotten this far without blowing chunks. Poor Carina was so scared by the noise she started crying. It broke my heart.

I didn't think much of it until later yesterday afternoon when it happened a few more times, and I began to feel really ill. *Possibly TMI - if I haven't crossed that line already ;) * After M got home it started coming out of both ends and I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. My OB said that I would be more than welcome to come in for IV fluids if I was worried. I decided to give it a little more time and I tried to get some sleep. I was awaken an hour later by rather violent forces once again so we trucked it in to Urgent Care with a rather fussy baby in tow. She didn't appreciate being lifted from her nice warm bed.

We arrived at 11 PM and the doctor quickly diagnosed me with the nasty bug that has been circulating around. He gave me some Zofran in the hopes that it would help me keep some liquids down. Two hours later, it seemed to have been successful, so we headed back home. I've barely left my bed all day; I feel like someone has ripped my insides out. I'm so nervous about the baby. I was hoping they would perform an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay in there - but no dice. They do want me to come back next week for one, though. I am very eager to see what is baking in there.

M stayed home from work today to watch Carina, thankfully. I pray that they escape this, because it would pain me to see either one of them go through this. I don't know when I'll get back on the computer, for now I need to sleep.


P.S. Carina hasn't wanted to nurse since late last night. If my milk (which has already been decreasing in quantity a bit) ends up drying up because of this I think you might be able to hear my cries through the interwebz.

Budget freakout & my NOOO face

Due to a series of unfortunate miscalculations and misunderstandings, and the fact that everything here in Connecticut costs a hell of a lot more than it did back in Wisconsin, things are rather tight financially right now. And by tight I mean we're probably going to end up depleting our savings each month that I continue to not work.

I'd love to find something part-time, but because the price of day care is so high, none of the job listings I'm seeing would pay enough to make it worth our while. And my non-compete agreement with my old job runs through the end of August. So in other words, I basically can't do anything with my skillset, knowledge, and experience until then. Lovely.

I thought of maybe babysitting one or two kids in addition to Carina, but in Connecticut that would mean I would have to get licensed or else they can throw me in the Long Island Sound {practically}. It would take way past August to get licensed.

So do we just wait it out, as we deplete our savings month after month? We have enough to cover us until then, but we were also hoping to be able to buy a house before 2035. With my previous calculations I thought we would be saving a little bit of every paycheck. I feel so dumb for having made such an egregious mistake (after reading a couple sources online I thought that M's salary was FICA and Medicare tax exempt, but that's not the case...boo hiss). The fact that it costs twice as much for car insurance here and was $250 (!!!!) to get two CT licenses certainly doesn't help, either.

For such an organized control freak who doesn't ever usually make mistakes, finding this out literally made me go like this...

My off-center no makeup NOOO-face

Please, lay your money saving ideas on me. I coupon and always shop sales, anything else you can think of that might help? Or ways to earn a little extra money?

Losing Myself

So I had hoped that I would be feeling better by now. Instead I find myself slowly slipping away, becoming more unrecognizable by the day.

Carina wouldn't stop screaming yesterday morning when I stopped her from chewing on the TV remote control, and I just lost it. I put her in the crib with a few of her favorite toys and shut myself in my bedroom and cried.

Maybe she didn't like her giant plaid hairbow?

First I cried for her - she doesn't deserve an unhappy and apathetic Mommy.

Then I cried for me - I don't even know who I am anymore. I thought that staying home with her would fill my days with joy (and stress and poop, of course). I didn't think I'd feel like this. Am I just not cut out to be a stay at home Mom? Or is this all the result of our current circumstances?

Two weeks. We'll be out of here in two weeks. I hope I can wave goodbye to the me that I don't recognize as Carina and I board the plane to head back East.

Urgent Care and my Happy Baby is Back!

After a low grade fever and a nursing strike that ended with Carina finally feeding but then vomiting everything up all over herself, me, and our bed, I called the doctor at 7 last night. They had us bring her in and after a quick glance in each ear the doctor announced, "yep. A raging double ear infection."

Fantastic.

I felt like such a bad Mom for not calling the doctor sooner. I asked a number of my Mommy friends and they all said that a fever of 101.5 was nothing to worry about. This was the first time she even had a semblance of a fever, so I just wasn't sure what to do. I think I'll go with my gut from now on.

We started her on Amoxicillin last night and gave her a little Tylenol to help her get to sleep. After an hour and half long nap this morning, she woke up a happy baby! She is almost back to her old self already.

Mommy is my jungle gym

Isn't it so so sad to have a sick baby? When did yours first get sick?